


Landslide

by Stella1511



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-23 19:51:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11996802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stella1511/pseuds/Stella1511
Summary: Kaoru Hitachiin loves his life in Paris. He has a perfect job, the perfect apartment in the perfect city. But he falls into a completely imperfect situation with the last person he could have ever expected.





	1. Chapter 1

Kaoru Hitachiin quickly filtered through collection of lavender belts he had prepared for the photo shoot. He picked out three that he thought complimented the chosen dress, awaiting his boss' scrutiny.

The head stylist and Kaoru's boss, Amelie, scurried over, grabbing his arm desparately, "Kaoru! I need you to run back to the closet! I need the Spring Links Collection that arrived yesterday!" she exclaimed in French.

Kaoru smirked and turned away to grab a velvet box, "I thought you would change your mind about the jewellery, so I brought them anyway."

Amelie squealed and grabbed him by the cheeks and gave him a big kiss on the forehead, "What would I do without you, Kaoru?! You are the best, you know I love you!"

He chuckled, "I love you too, Amelie, can I have a raise?"

"When I retire and you take my job you can."

He laughed again and they began to pick out their jewellery.

Amelie was Kaoru's best friend here in France. She was nearly forty years old and was an eccentric woman. But they had clicked immediately when they met at Vogue Magazine and she insisted on making him her apprentice.

Kaoru moved to Paris three years ago after finishing Ouran Academy. An internship in the marketing department of French Vogue turned into a job as an assistant Stylist when he made his talents known to his friend.

At this point in his life, it was his dream job. He still wanted to be a designer one day, but in his own right; he didn't want to rely on his mother's name to rise high in the fashion industry. But, for now, this was perfect for him. He could learn from people who had been in the industry for years. Plus, he still loved dressing people up.

Kaoru loved his life in Paris. It was a fantastic city for a young person such as himself to live in. It was relaxing, but exciting at the same time. Kaoru loved the culture, the food, the romanticism. French was his favourite language and the French were fascinating people.

He was happy. He nearly had it all. The perfect job, the perfect apartment in the perfect city.

Amelie decided on the final outfit fairly quickly after that. Kaoru took notes as she talked the assistant editor through the look. His thoughts wandered to how much fun he and Hikaru used to style the Host Club. Especially Haruhi, he loved dressing up Haruhi.

Kaoru hadn't stayed in touch with the Host Club much. Of course, he talked to his brother as often as he could. The last he saw Hikaru was six months prior when they both went home for New Year. Hikaru was living in New York with his American girlfriend and worked as a curator in a modern art gallery, a job he had used his family influence to get. Regardless, Hikaru was extremely happy. They were doing well not being connected at the hip. It had been Kaoru's decision to first move across the world and at first Hikaru had taken it badly. He didn't want to be apart from Kaoru, nor did he think his twin could cope with being away from him. But Kaoru had known he was ready to become his own person apart from his brother.

In fact, he had wanted to be apart from Hikaru. He still did in a way. He liked having a separate life away from Hikaru and the Host Club. It gave him the chance to be a different person, to reinvent himself and find himself, which he had. Kaoru realised he was much more introverted than he thought. He was still sarcastic and cheeky every once in a while but he liked being this quieter version of himself. He felt more sophisticated and mature.

He spoke to Haruhi for time to time, who was also in New York and living with Tamaki. They were both still studying and Haruhi always moaned about how Tamaki would not stop talking about marriage and children despite her incessantly telling him not yet. He got emails from Tamaki every once in a while, either pictures of some adorable animal or inviting Kaoru to events in New York that he would never be able to attend.

His contact with Hani and Mori was minimal. A text every few months to catch up was the most of the communication. Kyoya was the only one he never heard from at all. He knew more or less what Kyoya was doing from his brothers updates but even Hikaru didn't hear from Kyoya that much. He knew Hikaru had seen the Ootori recently while he was in New York for business, but Hikaru hadn't said much more other than that Kyoya remained the same.

He did miss them all sometimes. They were the best friends he had ever had. But Kaoru distancing himself from the Host Club was a very conscious decision on his part. Not only did he want to be independent from his brother, but also he knew that he needed to keep away from the Host Club, in order to be able to grow on his own. He didn't want to depend on anyone else anymore. It was right decision for him.

The assistant editor suddenly jumped away and moved away from the two of them and Amelie grabbed Kaoru's arm again, "She's here. Manami Nokawa!"

Nowaka was a model that had recently emerged as the new face of the Japanese modeling industry breaking through in the Western fashion world. She was to be the cover of Vogue Paris' November issue. Kaoru was very excited to work with a Japanese model for such a big shoot.

She was extremely beautiful with short black hair and large piercing eyes. She walked with a certain grace that only certain people possessed and reminded him of some of the girls at the Host Club. Even Kaoru could appreciate her beauty.

"She's beautiful," Amelie mimicked Kaoru's thoughts in a dreamy voice.

"I don't think she's gay," Kaoru teased.

"No, but I can wish," she sighed, "Kaoru, how could you not be attracted to such a beautiful woman. I just don't understand."

"The same way you're not attracted to beautiful men."

She chuckled, "What a pair we are."

Amelie walked over to introduce herself to Nowaka. Kaoru hung back, he knew as assistant stylist it wasn't his position to approach a high profile model before Amelie.

A few moments later, they approached Kaoru and he stood up straight and smiled.

"This is Kaoru. He's from Japan too and is very excited for this shoot," Amelie spoke in English as their mutual language.

Nowaka smiled widely and began to speak in Japanese, "It's very nice to meet you, Kaoru-san. I'm looking forward to working with you for the next couple of days."

"I look forward to it too, Nowaka-sama."

The photo shoot went very smoothly. Nowaka was very easy to shoot; confident, receptive and extremely polite when they were throwing different clothes at her and adjusting them once on.

Towards the end of the shoot, while Kaoru was revising a list of items for the next day, Amelie approached him with Nowaka in tow.

"Kaoru! Nowaka would like to go for a drink with you later. I can't make it," Amelie mouthed to him 'hot date'.

Nowaka smiled warmly and spoke in English, "My fiancé has not yet arrived and I would love to meet with someone other than my assistant. I would love to take you for a drink and learn more about you."

Kaoru would have thought she was flirting with him if she hadn't mentioned her fiancé, "I would love to."

Later that night, Kaoru found himself in an expensive bar sitting across from Manami Nowaka, sharing a bottle of champagne.

He had been to this bar for a fashion week after party once or twice. It was extremely exclusive. Kaoru found that he normally didn't like these places. They were over-priced and pretentious, something he had experienced all his childhood and teen years.

"So Kaoru-san, how long have you lived in Paris?" Nowaka said, her chin resting on her knuckle and staring directly in Kaoru's eyes.

"For three years now."

"How do you like it?"

"I love it. It's a beautiful city. I love my job. But I do miss home sometimes. It's hard being so far from home," Kaoru said honestly, taking a sip from his glass.

"It is hard to be away from home, I travel so much and don't get to spend much time at home. I am going to be in Paris for the next six months with my fiancé and I hope my family will get the chance to visit."

"It's nice that you get to be with your fiancé though. I bet that doesn't happen too much with your recent success."

She softly smiled, "Yes, I am looking forward to it. So, do you have a girlfriend?"

He laughed, "No, I don't like girls. Not like that."

She quirked an eyebrow up, "So a boyfriend?"

"No, not at the moment. I guess I haven't really had the time to look."

"Well, you're not missing out," Nowaka took a moment to sip at her drink, "My fiancé is a charming man, but takes his work much too seriously. It is frustrating; he sometimes ignores me for his work. It's annoying."

Kaoru hesitated for a second, not completely confident with the subject matter, "Well, as some who is guilty of putting my career before my relationships, I can only say talk to him about it. I know I didn't always realise I was doing it until my boyfriend brought it to my attention or told me when we broke up. Some people just aren't as aware of how absorbed they may become with work and other things."

She smiled again but more widely this time, "Thank you, Kaoru-san. You give very good advice."

The evening went by rather uneventfully. Kaoru was reminded of being host; Nowaka mostly talked about herself and her modeling. They spoke a bit about her modeling and fashion career while finishing off the champagne. Nowaka was nice enough to pay for a taxi for Kaoru. They said their goodbyes until tomorrow.

Kaoru lay in bed, tossing and turning and trying to get to sleep. He couldn't help but think that maybe he should try more to find a boyfriend. As he curled up, he felt massively alone for the first time in a long time.

His thoughts became conflicted. There was the side of him that loved the independence, loved being alone and distant from others, yet still being happy and confident in himself. Yet, there was a side of him who missed his brother sleeping next to him, missed being surrounded by his old friends and even longed for a man who would look after him.

Still awake, his phone began to ring and he jumped a little in surprise. He picked it up and watched it ring for a while, the screen flashing 'Hikaru'.

He huffed and threw his phone to the other side of the bed. He always told Hikaru not to call him so late.

He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to wash over him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nowaka's second part of the photo shoot ends up being far more unpredictable than Kaoru could have ever expected.

The morning after Kaoru's evening with Nowaka, Kaoru sat at his desk. Amelie sat opposite, talking to Etienne, who was a part of the social media department.

Etienne perched on the edge of Kaoru's desk, glancing at him every once in a while. He and Etienne had been on a few dates, but were friends more than anything. Kaoru knew that Etienne liked him; it was his idea to go on a date in the first place and he always made excuses to come down to see Kaoru.

Etienne was extremely attractive. He was charming, tall, dark and handsome, just Kaoru's type. They had a lot in common, not to mention, they had great sex. Yet, there wasn't that spark that Kaoru was looking for. If he was honest, he had never really felt more than a sexual connection with the men he had dated. He didn't know what he was looking for and sometimes he worried that he would never find whatever it was that he had been missing.

"So, how was your date with Nowaka? Did you have a little kiss at the end?" Amelie teased, a wide grin on her face.

"It was nice. But no kissing. I know you've been thinking about kissing Nowaka though," Kaoru stuck his tongue out at her.

"Even I would think about kissing Nowaka," Etienne said.

Amelie leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand, "What was she like then?"

"She was nice, we talked about Japan. And about her… a lot," Kaoru sniggered.

"Models, always so self-absorbed," Etienne commented.

"You should be lucky that you don't work in styling then," Amelie laughed, "I heard that Manami Nowaka is just alias anyway."

"Hm," Kaoru went back to his laptop, "It's possible. Nowaka is a pretty common name in Japan."

His phone buzzed and he looked down. A text from Haruhi telling him to call her. Kaoru sighed and put his phone down, deciding he will answer later.

That afternoon, Nowaka's second photo shoot for her Vogue spread was well underway. The photo shoot was taking place in front of a small fountain on the outskirts of Paris. Being outside of a studio made everything far more difficult for the whole team. People stopped to watch, the equipment was harder to maneuver and him and Amelie didn't have the same space to organise their clothes.

Kaoru decided to take a breather and escaped to the side of the set towards the end of the shoot. He found his water, when Amelie came running up with a red heel in her hand.

"The Prada is scuffed!" She whispered in panic.

Kaoru took a look and laughed lightly, "It's the tiniest scratch, Amelie. It'll be fine! Give the shoes back to Nowaka!"

Amelie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Kaoru watched her in amusement, feeling himself relax a little bit too. Amelie said okay and ran back over to the model.

Kaoru felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His brother's name flashed upon his screen yet again. He groaned internally again and considered answering but is interrupted by Nowaka approaching him.

"Nowaka-san! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been on my phone!" Kaoru exclaimed, hurriedly putting his phone away.

She chuckled, "It's fine, Kaoru. And please call me Manami."

"Manami," he said with relief, "How is it going? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you. My fiancé is coming soon and we're going to go to dinner at Le Cinq. Have you ever been?"

"Yes, with my brother about a year ago. The food is amazing."

Nowaka looked at him curiously, "Say, I was thinking last night and I feel like I've heard the name Hitachiin before."

He shrugged and said, "Well, my mother's quite a famous fashion designer… especially in Japan so that's probably where you heard it."

"Hm, I don't think that is where I heard it…"

Kaoru amused himself with the thought of a Japanese model not knowing the name Hitachiin on the behalf of one of the most famous designs in their country.

It wasn't until Nowaka looked over Kaoru's shoulder and excitedly said, "Here my fiancé is! He's early!" that Kaoru realised why Nowaka knew his name.

Kyoya Ootori. Kyoya, from the Host Club. Kyoya, his friend. Kyoya, who he had a crush on all through his high school years and Kyoya who was probably the reason he realised he was gay. Kyoya, who, other than Hikaru, he felt had always understood him.

A million thoughts rushed through his head. What was Kyoya doing here? Was he really Nowaka's fiancé? How did he not know Kyoya was engaged? Why did he look so good?

Then he began to think about the last time he had seen Kyoya. Hikaru threw a massive leaving party for Kaoru a few days before he went to France.

He and Kyoya had always gotten on well. There was an air of understanding between the two, not to mention that Kaoru fancied the pants off of him. At the end of the party, Kaoru took a moment for himself on the balcony of the Hitachiin mansion. Kyoya joined him not too long after.

The conversation hadn't been particularly special. Kaoru didn't really remember what they had spoken about, probably just about Kaoru's internship and his plans when he went to France. All he remembered was that Kyoya had told him that he would miss him and then he leaned in and kissed Kaoru's forehead.

Kaoru hadn't seen him since. That interaction had left him unsettled and confused for weeks. He had even considered going back to Japan, just to ask Kyoya what that meant.

When he thought about it, that was probably the reason he had stopped talking to Kyoya in the first place.

Before he knew it Nowaka was dragging Kyoya over to him. Kaoru hardly had time to compose himself before she was introducing his old friend.

"Kaoru, this is Kyoya Ootori, my fiancé," She clung onto his arm, smiling up at him, but Kyoya only stared at the shorter man with the slightest hint of a smirk.

Kaoru opened his mouth to speak before realizing he didn't know what to say. It was then that Kyoya stepped in.

"We actually know each other," Kyoya said bluntly.

Kaoru found his voice, "Uh yeah, we went to school together."

"Ah, that's probably where I recognised the name from!" Nowaka said, still smiling at Kyoya.

"Manami, do you mind if me and Kaoru speak alone?" The black haired man said.

She nodded and said she would go and get changed for their date. She left the two of them standing there and Kaoru only felt more tense.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon, Kaoru. This is a bit of a coincidence. You look good."

A blush grew over Kaoru's cheeks, "I didn't even know you were coming to Paris."

Kyoya pushed his glasses further up his nose, "It was rather last minute. My father wants to expand the Ootori group further across Western Europe. I'm here to meet with consultants and research whether it will be a possibility to open a hospital in Paris. I asked Hikaru to call you."

So that's why Hikaru kept calling, Kaoru thought.

Kaoru felt himself calm down a little bit, "So you're here for the Ootori group, not your fiancé?"

Kyoya laughed lightly, "We haven't spent much time together. So it seemed like a good opportunity."

"I have to say, I'm surprised your father agreed to this match. I didn't think he would want one of his sons to be with a model…?"

"Well, Nowaka's real name is actually Aya Michiyo, who started Michiyo Architecture, one of the most fashionable architecture groups in the whole of Eastern Asia," It all started to add up in Kaoru's head, "My father is hoping for the Michiyo company to take on the designs for our new hospitals, as well as remodel the existing ones."

The red head rolled his eyes, "You haven't changed at all, have you?"

"You have."

Kyoya's eyes watched him and Kaoru stared back. The blush crept back up his as he lost himself in Kyoya's cool gaze for a moment. The older man truly had hardly changed; his features were still sharp and pointed, his hair neat and he had the same glasses. He was slightly taller and perhaps broader. If anything, he looked even more mature than he had done before.

Kaoru wondered what Kyoya meant when he said Kaoru had changed. His appearance, his personality? Kaoru supposed it was both really.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted, "I have to go to dinner with Aya tonight, but I would love to meet you for dinner tomorrow to catch up. If you would like."

Kaoru was surprised for some reason, "O-okay. I would like that."

"Great. I'll call you tomorrow morning. I look forward to it."

Not long after, Kyoya left with Nowaka, or Michiyo as it was now. Kaoru found himself shaking slightly. A rush of emotions hit him. He was shocked to see Kyoya. He was still attracted to him.

But most of all he felt guilty. Maybe it was because he hadn't seen Kyoya for so many years and it was probably his fault. Yet, there was also this sense of impending doom. It was not only Kyoya he had stopped talking to; he had distanced himself from the whole Host Club. He didn't know why, but he felt like he was going to have to face the music soon. Kyoya could get under his skin like no one else. The guilt was coming with the possibility of Kyoya probing him about his decision to stop interacting with the Host Club.

When he went home, Kaoru needed something to distract himself with. He started watching television, then he went to his studio to try and do some sewing but he couldn't concentrate.

So Kaoru called Etienne over. He needed a distraction. Some good sex was the only way he could forget about Kyoya for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No comments or reviews yet!! Any feedback would be great please!!
> 
> Forgot to say, the title 'Landslide' is inspired by one of my favourite songs ever by Fleetwood Mac!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru and Kyoya meet for their dinner date.

Kaoru woke up in the morning and dragged himself out of bed. He looked over at Etienne who was still asleep and decided to leave him to wake up on his own. 

His mind was still on Kyoya and his arrival in Paris. He realised that it was about time he returned Hikaru’s call so grabbed the phone.

After a few rings, his brother picked up, “Kaoru? You’re alive?”

Kaoru smiled automatically, “I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy.”

His brother sighed loudly, “You’re always busy…” After a moment Hikaru’s tone changed back to normal, “Kyoya’s in Paris. That’s why I was calling you.”

The younger twin became nervous, “Yeah, I’ve already seen him.”

“What?! How the hell did that happen?!”

“I was styling his fiancé for a photo shoot and he turned up yesterday afternoon.”

“Wait, wait, wait… his fiancé?!”

“Yeah, Nowaka, that model?”

“Kyoya’s engaged to Manami Nowaka?!” Hikaru laughed, “I didn’t even know he was engaged. That slimy bastard never tells us anything.”

“Well it was a bit of a surprise for me too.”

“So, are you going to fall in love with Kyoya again?”

Kaoru stuttered, “I was never in love with Kyoya! It was just a crush!”

“Fine, will your crush grow into something more?”

“No,” Kaoru glanced back at his bedroom door where he knew Etienne was still sleeping, “I’m seeing someone else. And besides Kyoya isn’t gay! And he’s engaged to the most beautiful woman in Japan!”

“Nowaka is not really the most beautiful woman in Japan. That was just for a stupid magazine. Anyways, I’m just kidding about you and Kyoya! You take things so damn seriously nowadays.”

Kaoru shrugs and said, “I’ve grown up…”

“Yeah… yeah you have,” Hikaru said solemnly. 

Etienne left not long after Kaoru’s phone call with Hikaru. He kissed his cheek goodbye and asked to see him another day. Kaoru’s chest had filled with dread and guilt. He knew he had used Etienne just as a distraction, which wasn’t fair. So he just said he would see. 

He prepared for his dinner with Kyoya, growing more and more anxious as the time approached. Kyoya had text him earlier, saying a car would pick him up at seven. He had fifteen minutes and he found himself continually checking his appearance in the mirror. 

The car arrived and Kaoru fidgeted the whole way there. He was so nervous to see Kyoya. He didn’t know why he was so scared; he used to be completely comfortable around the older boy. He began to think about towards the end of high school. As Hikaru and Tamaki became more infatuated and competitive about Haruhi, Kyoya and Kaoru naturally gravitated towards each other. They stayed back after the Host Club to do homework and work on projects together. Kyoya’s presence always strangely soothed the younger Hitachiin twin. 

Thinking about old times made Kaoru relax ever so slightly. This shouldn’t be so hard. He and Kyoya had a lot to catch up on and they always got on well. Yes, he found him attractive but he was older now and that was just a childish crush. 

He altered his mindset and felt slightly better. He should look forward to seeing Kyoya if anything. 

He arrived at the restaurant and it was the Savoy. Of course Kyoya chose one of the most expensive restaurants in Paris. Kaoru silently thanked Amelie and his job for always providing him with designer clothes so he at least looked like he meant to be here. 

He sees Kyoya sitting at the bar and stops and stares for a moment. Kyoya was wearing a smart suit, a glass of wine in his hand. The redhead suppressed any thoughts about how good Kyoya looked in that suit as he walked up to his old friend. 

He placed a hand on Kyoya’s arm to grab his attention and said, “Kyoya-senpai?”

Kyoya turned around and smiled, “I don’t think we’re senpais anymore.”

“Kyoya-san then.”

“Kaoru-san, should we sit down?”

They made small talk for a while when they sat down. Kyoya told him he had rented an apartment and was going to be in Paris for six months. 

After they ordered, Kyoya shifted in his seat and took a sip of his wine, “So, Kaoru-san, how is your job going?”

“I love it. The head stylist is fantastic. It’s everything I could have wanted.”

“Do you still want to be a designer?”

“Well yes, but working as a stylist is a great opportunity to learn more about the industry and work with other designers,” Kaoru explained. 

Kyoya cocked his head ever so slightly, “I’m sure you could use one of your connections and presented a collection as a Hitachiin you would have offers from all the major designers.”

Kaoru shrugged, “I don’t know. I would rather work for it and be recognised on my own merits. I don’t want to rely on my mother’s fame. If I’m successful as a designer then I want it to be because I’m creative and talented.”

The black haired man looked at Kaoru for a moment intently, before his lips widened into a smile, “I have to admit, I’m rather impressed with your new found independence. Except for Haruhi, none of the other hosts even hesitated in using their privilege for their careers.”

“Including yourself?” Kaoru teased.

Kyoya smirked, “Including myself.”

Kaoru takes a long gulp of wine and realised how quickly he felt comfortable with Kyoya again. He didn’t know why he was so worried in the first place.

“So, how long have you been engaged? I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend in the first place.”

“About six months.”

Kaoru pursed his lips, sensing that Kyoya was holding back, “And how long have you known her?”

Kyoya cast his eyes down at his glass, “Nearly eight months. Our fathers introduced us.”

“Kyoya! You hardly know her! That’s crazy, how could you marry her?!”

“She’s beautiful, well-mannered and she comes from an important family who’s connection will be beneficial to the Ootori Group. What else do I need to know?” Kyoya said in an unbelievably casual manner. 

“A little bit more to marry someone! If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with her,” Kaoru began to speak a little more softly, “You have to know her a little. Love her ideally.”

“It’s business, Kaoru.”

He looked at Kyoya with concern. Kyoya stared right back with the slightest hint of sadness in his eyes. 

“I couldn’t do it,” Kaoru whispered. 

“I know you couldn’t,” Kyoya’s expression softened ever so slightly. Kaoru would mistake it for affection if he didn’t know Kyoya so well, “You choose the harder things, Kaoru. But the things that make you happy.”

“But… why would you ever do anything that would make you unhappy?”

“I’m not as strong as you.”

He gazed at Kyoya for what felt like forever. Their eyes were locked and Kaoru felt confused by Kyoya’s statement. He always thought of Kyoya as an individual of incredible strength. He couldn’t think of Kyoya as weak, or not as strong as him at least. 

The rest of the meal went by smoothly. Their conversation was light and fun and Kaoru was surprised to say, he had a fantastic time. When Kyoya asked him if he wanted to go out again the week after, he didn’t even hesitate to say yes. 

So he found himself promising to another dinner date with Kyoya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting through these chapters quickly! The next chapter is more interesting, I swear!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fashion week is coming and Kaoru prepares for the industry parties.

A month later and Kaoru has found himself having a weekly dinner date with Kyoya. He doesn't know how it had happened but it quickly became the most exciting part of his week. He constantly looked forward to seeing his old friend.

What was strangest to Kaoru was that he would normally over think this. Kaoru would normally question why he liked being around Kyoya so much. His tendency to over think was something he had discovered about himself since moving to Paris. He never did before but it was something he had accepted about himself. It was part of the reason he was so nervous before meeting Kyoya. But he hadn't been anxious and over thinking at all. It reminded him of being young and impulsive.

Kaoru sat at a table in his favourite bar with Amelie and Etienne. He was a few drinks in and found himself a little bit tipsy. He ordered a glass of water, knowing he had a long day tomorrow. Fashion week was fast approaching and there was a Vogue party the following night. Fashion weeks were always the most exciting yet most stressful times of the year. Kaoru loved going to fashion shows, it was his favourite thing to do. But being backstage at a fashion show was Kaoru's least favourite thing.

"So, have you seen Nowaka again since your little date?" Amelie asked, a glint in her eye.

"No, I've seen her fiancé a lot though," Kaoru commented nonchalantly.

Etienne frowned, "Why have you seen her fiancé?!"

"Well, I know him from school. We were in a Host Club together."

"What?!" Amelie dramatically threw her glass down to the table, "You've never told me about that?!"

"It was a silly thing I did when I was younger…" Kaoru shrugged, "I mean, it was great. Me and my brother made great friends there…"

"Oh I want to hear more…" Etienne raised his eyebrows flirtatiously.

"Was it… prostitution?" Amelie said mockingly.

"No, it wasn't selling our bodies!" The twin laughed, "It was just sitting around and talking to girls. I mean, we all had our own characters or personalities."

Amelie giggled, "Please tell us more, this is awfully interesting."

"My brother and I were twincest or the little devil type," His friends laughed, "The girls loved it. The president of the club was the princely type, he was the most popular. There was Honey-senpai who was the Lolita and his cousin, Mori was strong, silent type. Haruhi was the natural type and then there was Kyoya, Nowaka's fiancé… Kyoya was the cool type. We used to have events and dress up, it was a lot of fun. The hosts were kinda crazy… but I did love them."

"It does sound like fun," Amelie said softly, "I'm surprised you never said anything about it before. Especially if you had such good friends there. Why have you never mentioned it?"

Kaoru realised he never had told anyone in Paris about the Host Club and he surprised himself, "I don't know."

The next day, Kaoru was styling models in preparation for fashion week. Amelie was on her lunch break, so he was left alone with the loud, chatting models.

Somehow he managed to tune them out and began thinking about the night before.

Amelie was right when she said it was strange that he had never mentioned the Host Club. She was his best friend and the Host Club had been such a big part of his life for a long time. He always knew that he had separated his old life with his Paris life. But he hadn't realised that he had gone so far as to not even mention them.

Kaoru knew this revelation was going to lead to him over thinking, yet again. So he pushed it to the back of his head. He had to finish styling today and then go home and get ready for the Vogue party tonight. He didn't have the time for distractions.

But then his phone rang and it was Kyoya. He considered not answering for a moment. He didn't need distractions.

Yet, he found himself telling the models to take a break and right after he answered the phone.

"Kyoya-san? Hello?"

"Kaoru-" Kyoya sounded slightly frustrated, for Kyoya anyway, "Are you going to that party tonight?"

"Um…" Kaoru chuckled, "Which party? The Vogue fashion week party?"

"Yes, that one."

"Yeah, I am… seeing as I do work for Vogue."

He could almost hear Kyoya's smirk, "I didn't really want to go. But Aya has said that I should show my face for an hour. I'm not dreading it as much now that I know you'll be there."

"Well… now you'll have company."

"I look forward to it."

The rest of Kaoru's day was just as busy as it had started out as. He hardly had time to think about the Host Club and Kyoya.

He was soon walking into the Vogue party with Amelie, after a quick stop at a takeaway. Amelie looked particularly out of place, with her extravagant hair and stylish dress. People stared, but she never seemed to care.

As per usual, the party was in a fancy, expensive bar. Friends and colleagues quickly swept up Amelie; everyone loved her.

Kaoru scanned the room and caught sight of Etienne with his colleagues from his department. But he naturally gravitated towards another. Kyoya was standing amongst a large group of people, just smiling politely while Michiyo held onto his arm and socialized.

Kyoya had that same look on his face that he did when talking to the girls at the Host Club. It was a mask. When Kyoya was really happy and enjoying someone's company Kaoru could recognise it.

Michiyo spotted him first. She exclaimed Kaoru's name and kissed him on the cheek. When she separated from him, Kyoya was smiling at him. Genuinely this time.

"I'm so happy to see you Kaoru-san!" she said in Japanese.

"It's good to see you too," he hesitantly said.

Michiyo began to introduce him to her friends. They all said hello politely but they promptly fell back into their previous conversation. Kyoya looked to him and tipped his head towards the bar. The redhead nodded his head and they excused themselves. Kyoya immediately ordered two martinis and they settled down in their seats.

"I've grown less patient with these events over the last few years," Kyoya said, taking the first sip of his drink.

"I never liked them either… they're good for networking though. But… I don't feel like it today," Kaoru smiled, "I'm normally quite good at networking."

Kyoya chuckled, "I can imagine. You were always a smart talker."

The Hitachiin furrowed his eyebrows, "Was I?"

"Oh yes. I always knew you were the brains behind the Hitachiin schemes."

"Is that why you picked me to help you with that sports day thing? And with the situation with Tamaki's mum?"

Kyoya sat back in his chair, staring out across the bar and stoically said, "I always felt drawn to you. I felt like you understood me. More than any of my friends. Even Tamaki."

Kaoru naturally cast his eyes down. Kyoya's comment had made his heart beat faster and it scared him. Kyoya's opinion of him was so close to Kaoru's thoughts towards Kyoya. He hadn't ever known that.

Kyoya huffed, "Do you want to get out of here? We could grab a drink somewhere else."

"Yeah, let's do it."

Their exit was swift. Kaoru text Amelie to let him know he had left the party.

They found themselves in a little bar that Kaoru liked. It was quiet, it was normal and it had good wine.

Halfway through a bottle, Kaoru was reminiscing with Kyoya about times at the Host Club. It seemed that once the gates opened up, Kaoru couldn't stop talking about his old friends and the times they had shared. Years of unconscious suppression had come to an abrupt end.

"Do you remember that time Hikaru and I convinced Tamaki that the dolphin we saw at the beach was a mermaid?"

Kyoya nodded and smirked, "He stayed up until three in the morning with a telescope."

"And-and when we put a coin in his shoes every week and then took them all out and he kept falling over!"

The older man cocked his head to the side, studying the younger man, "You've been talking a lot about the Host Club today."

Kaoru suddenly realised how much he had been babbling. He didn't even feel that tipsy, "I guess I just haven't talked about the Host Club for a while…"

"Probably more than anyone you've distanced yourself from the rest of the club…" Kaoru recognised Kyoya's intuitive, serious tone, "Why?"

"No… that's not true. You've been pretty distant yourself."

"Not really. I speak to Tamaki and Haruhi every week. I see Honey and Mori at least once a month. And I see Hikaru every few months when I'm in New York for business."

Kaoru felt sheepish and didn't know what to say, "Oh. I didn't realise you saw Hikaru that often…"

"Why have you distanced yourself so much from the Host Club, Kaoru-san?"

"I didn't mean to…" Kaoru said hesitantly.

"Okay… why do you take yourself so seriously now then?"

"I've grown up. I'm a better version of myself now…"

"Or maybe you've lost yourself a bit."

Kaoru felt tears spring to his eyes and anger rise in his chest. He stood up immediately and was about to storm off to the toilet when his arm was grabbed and he was pulled back.

He landed half in Kyoya's embrace, his palms rested lightly on Kyoya's chest. His eyes were wide while looking up at the taller man, breath ragged from his outburst. His jaw clenched and he half-heartedly pushed Kyoya away.

"Sit down, Kaoru," Kyoya said with softness to his tone, "We'll talk about something else."

The redhead shoved his friend more forcefully this time, "No, I don't want to talk about anything else!" Kaoru said harshly, "Maybe I have distanced myself from the Host Club! So what?! Is it so wrong that I wanted to be my own person, away from my twin who I was horribly dependent on and Tamaki's crazy father routine! I wanted a new life, apart from all of that!" Kaoru closed his eyes and angrily whispered, "And so what if I miss it all… sometimes I miss it like crazy!"

"You do miss it?"

"Yes! Yes! I made the best friends I've ever had there! I love the people here… I do! But it will never be the same!"

He suddenly realised everything he had said. His outburst shocked him. He had hardly admitted how much he missed his old life to himself and now he found himself nearly yelling about it to Kyoya.

Kyoya stared at him with those unreadable eyes, "Sit down, Kaoru."

He did as Kyoya said, leaning his head back and trying to relax. Kyoya sat down as well, his gaze not leaving Kaoru.

"Are you happy here, Kaoru?" Kyoya asked.

"Of course… I just get lonely sometimes, is all," the younger admitted, far more quietly before, "I don't always feel like I can be myself. Except with Amelie."

Kyoya placed a comforting hand on his arm, "It's not too late. The Host Club will always be there for you. We all care about you."

A tear trickled down Kaoru's cheek. He felt oddly relieved. He had stopped himself for so long from thinking about the Host Club and any possibility of missing them. But Kyoya's arrival had made him confront his own self more than ever before.

He felt good. He felt motivated to try and bring his past in coalition with his present. And it was all thanks to Kyoya.

"Maybe you've changed more than I thought…" Kaoru offered a cheeky smile while wiping the tears away, "You're definitely more caring."

Strangely, Kyoya's usually composed persona slipped for a second, as if being called caring made him uncomfortable. He fiddled with his glasses for a moment and coolly said, "Perhaps so."

Kaoru understood that it would of course make Kyoya comfortable. So he just grinned at his old classmate, finished his glass of wine and suggested they order another bottle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love to have some reviews! Not hearing anything back isn't fun! It would be great to have some feedback, even if it is some constructive criticism!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru's day off ends up being more exciting than he expected.

Fashion week came and went. It was busy as always, but the times Kaoru had to attend his favourite designers shows, he felt inspired. In fact, this fashion week had inspired him enough to begin experimenting with his own collection. He just had ideas at the moment, but he was excited to create his own clothes again. He hadn't done it for a long time.

He strangely saw a lot of Kyoya during fashion week. There were parties every evening and as Nowaka was the hottest new model, she was at all of them. Kyoya seemed to find the time to attend the parties. Sometimes the old friends would just sit in the corner, or would sneak off somewhere else entirely.

Kaoru liked his friendship with Kyoya. Yes, he still thought that Kyoya was attractive and every once in a while his old crush niggled on his mind. But it was not enough to obstruct his relationship with his former classmate. He was still extremely relaxed and comfortable around Kyoya and he didn't want that to change.

The redhead sat in his studio, enjoying his day off. He had just got off the phone with Hikaru. The time difference meant that his brother was getting ready for work but they still managed to have a whole hour of conversation.

He lay back in his desk chair, wearing a large shirt and shorts and his hair tied in a messy bun. His sketchbook sat in his lap but he drew slowly in full concentration.

He jumped a little when he heard his doorbell go. He stood up and glanced in the mirror, hoping he looked fairly presentable. It shouldn't matter anyway; it was probably just one of his neighbours.

He swung open the door and was surprised to see Kyoya standing there, a smirk on his face.

"What- how the hell did you get in the building?"

"It's good to see you too," Kyoya teased, "The doorman let me in. He's a very nice man."

Kaoru chuckled, "You can officially charm anyone. I've never even seen him smile."

"So, I have the day off."

"You've given yourself a day off you mean?"

The taller man rolled his eyes, "My only meeting today was cancelled."

Kaoru leant up against the doorway, "Do you want to come in?"

"I was actually wondering if you wanted to go sightseeing? I haven't seen any of Paris since I've been here and feel like I should before the weather gets bad."

Kaoru couldn't resist a smile, "That sounds good… give me a minute to get changed."

"Do you need to change? You look fine to me," Kyoya said, uncomfortably casually for Kaoru's liking.

"Um… I can't go out like this," Kyoya smiled at him and Kaoru could have mistaken it for flirting, "Wait here."

Kaoru was quick to get changed. He quickly contemplated the day ahead. Sightseeing around Paris with Kyoya. Paris was an awfully romantic city. It would be weird to share this city with the older man.

He quickly brushed the thought aside and got dressed in his casual (though still designer and stylish of course) outfit.

When he came out of his room, Kyoya remained in the same place, "You look nice," Kyoya said with a smile.

Kaoru couldn't help but blush, "Thank you. Should we go?"

The next few hours flew by and all Kaoru could think about was Kyoya and Paris. They took a boat down the Seine River and saw the Notre Dame. They visited the Moulin Rouge and the Arc de Triomphe.

Kyoya was animated the whole day. He was taking pictures and smiling and was having fun. Kaoru liked seeing Kyoya this way.

They stopped at a square next to the Arc to have a coffee. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment as they received their beverages.

Kaoru glanced over to his friend, who was suddenly pulling out a cigarette.

"You smoke?" Kaoru asked.

"Hm, every once in a while. I like to have one with a coffee."

Kaoru watched the other man place the cigarette between his lips and light it, "Can I have one?"

Kyoya raised his eyebrows but offered the packet nevertheless. Kaoru took one and then the lighter. It had been a while since he smoked. He had for a few months when he first arrived in Paris as a lot of people smoked and it ended up being a social tool. He still had the occasional cigarette when he was drinking.

Kaoru knew the smoking wasn't cool, but he couldn't help but think that Kyoya smoothly blowing out was attractive as hell.

"So, Paris is a pretty nice city."

Kaoru nudged Kyoya, "Pretty nice?"

Kyoya smirked, "Okay, it's beautiful. It has lived up to its reputation."

"Yeah it is," Kaoru looked off dreamily at the view, "I sometimes forget because I spend so much time in a damn closet."

The shadow prince snickered, "The irony."

Kaoru felt himself grow nervous. He hadn't discussed his sexuality with Kyoya, neither of them had even mentioned it, "You… know I'm gay."

Kyoya frowned ever so slightly, "Well of course. Hikaru told me… and you also told my fiancé too."

"Does it… make you uncomfortable?"

Kyoya shifted ever so slightly in a completely unreadable way, "Of course not… why would I be?" Kaoru shrugged and Kyoya continued, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No… I was seeing someone for a bit… but I don't know if it's going anywhere. I like him but it doesn't feel right," Kyoya didn't reply and Kaoru panicked for a moment inside, worrying Kyoya really didn't want to talk about his gay relationships, "I'm sorry… I am making you uncomfortable."

Kyoya turned to him and offered a warm smile, "Kaoru, I'm not uncomfortable. I just don't have much experience with dating so I can't help you."

The twin pursed his lips, "Why do you do it? Why do you just listen to your father blindly and plan to marry a girl you don't love? Then you could date and meet new women and fall in love."

Kyoya stared off into the distance but Kaoru could sense a hint of sadness overcome them both, "Sometimes I don't know."

Kaoru decided it was time to change the subject. He could tell Kyoya didn't want to talk about his love life. He took the last drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out, "Do you want to go to the Eiffel Tower? We can't sightsee and not go there."

"Isn't that a bit romantic?" Kyoya teased.

Kaoru stood up and smiled cheekily, "Only if you want it to be, senpai."

Kyoya laughed and said, "Let's go."

An hour later and they found themselves at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Thankfully it wasn't too busy, the summer was just over and tourists were beginning to die down. After walking around the top, Kaoru spotted his friend with his arms against the barrier, looking off at the view of the city.

Feeling mischievous, Kaoru crept up behind the taller man and grabs him from behind, laughing as he did so. Kyoya jumped every so slightly and whipped around, chuckling when he saw Kaoru's happy face.

"There's the playful Kaoru I remember."

Kaoru's smile widened as he stepped next to Kyoya to lean against the edge. His arm touched the others ever so slightly and he was surprised to see that Kyoya didn't even flinch.

"I haven't been here since one of Hikaru's visits. It was probably about two years ago."

"It's rather relaxing here… I can't imagine that Hikaru would have appreciated it much." Kyoya said.

Kaoru let slip a giggle, "He wanted to leave after fifteen minutes."

Kyoya smiled down at him and they fell into silence.

Man, I want to kiss him, Kaoru thought. Kyoya's gaze was locked with his own and he was in a trance. It took all his will power not to lean in and claim those lips.

He looked away. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Kyoya also turned away.

Kaoru bit his lip in punishment as thoughts of the taller man ran through his head. He had tried to stop himself and resist these feelings, just like he had resisted his connection with the Host Club as a whole. But it was undeniable.

He was falling for Kyoya.

He had never felt like this about someone before. Yes, he had dated and been in relationships with people. But this was different. The comfort he felt in Kyoya's presence, even in silence like this, was scary. Never mind the fact that he never felt the urge to kiss and embrace someone like this.

He sighs quietly and allows his eyes to fall shut. Kaoru didn't know how to handle this strange contrast of feeling so happy and relaxed with someone, yet wanting more.

He debated whether he should stop seeing Kyoya as much. That would probably help. But then he remembered that he didn't want to distance himself from people anymore. Especially from his old friends.

He knew he could push through it. They were close, yes. But that also meant their friendship could last through a little attraction. He reminded himself that it was not like Kyoya was attracted to him.

He concentrated on the view instead and the splendor of Paris. Paris was always the best distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Blake (guest) for reviewing! It was great to hear from someone!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoya surprises Kaoru.

Kaoru hated rejecting people. He hated hurting other people. But he knew it was necessary. It would always cause more heartache later on if he wasn't honest now.

So he sat down on his desk chair, listening to Etienne and trying to mentally compose the softest rejection possiblr. He prayed that Amelie wouldn't walk in now.

"… Kaoru, you just confuse me. I can't tell if you like me or not. I know we have been friends for a while… but I feel more for you. I don't want to just fuck you… I want to be with you. I want to take you out and look after you... and for you to look after me."

Etienne's voice was desperate and Kaoru felt a wave of guilt, a feeling that had become very familiar most recently.

"I'm really sorry, Etienne. I just don't feel the same way… I'm in a funny place at the moment. And starting a relationship just wouldn't be right… for the both of us."

The French man lowered his head and breathed in deeply, "Okay… I am a little bit disappointed. But I kind of expected it. You've been acting kind of strange at the recently."

"I know, I'm sorry…"

Kaoru's phone suddenly began to ring on his desk. It was Kyoya. His hand itched to answer the phone but he knew it was probably not the best moment.

But Etienne must have sensed Kaoru's eagerness towards the phone call and he gave a sad smile, "Answer the phone, I'm going to go. I'll see you around."

Etienne swiftly left the room and Kaoru sighed. Brushing it off, he picked up the phone to talk to Kyoya.

"Hey, I'm just at work so this will have to be pretty quick, sorry," Kaoru said.

"It's okay. I was just wondering if there is the possibility that you could get some time off next week?"

Kaoru frowned, "Why?"

"I'm going to visit an architect in Nice and thought I could use your creative eye."

"What happened to Michiyo Architecture?" Kaoru asked, with a slight hope Kyoya would say that his engagement had been broken off.

"This is for a different project."

"Well… if you're going away you should bring your fiancé, not me."

He could almost hear Kyoya's discomfort in his voice, "Aya is busy… and I think you could use a break. You said you haven't taken your holiday this year."

"It's pretty last minute…" Kaoru tried to disguise the excitement in his voice; the possibility of going on a trip with Kyoya was extremely appealing, "But I can try to get some time off. I'll ask Amelie."

Amelie managed to pull some strings and the next week, Kaoru was waiting for Kyoya's car to pick him up at nine in the morning. He sat in the lobby of his building with a suitcase, tapping his foot.

He wondered why he was doing this. He liked Kyoya, as more than a friend, he knew that. Going on a trip with him was not going to help that. But Kaoru wanted to go away with Kyoya. It was an opportunity to spend more time with someone he loved being around. He couldn't resist.

The car came not long after. The driver told him that he was going to bring Kaoru to Kyoya's apartment. Kaoru realised along the way that he hadn't been to his apartment yet. The trip was only about twenty minutes long and he was immediately let into the building.

He knocked on the door and a few moments later, Kyoya stood there with his cocky little smile that Kaoru loved.

Without thinking, Kaoru surged forward and hugged the taller man. Kyoya laughed and returned the embrace, although lightly.

They separated and Kaoru grinned, "I'm sorry, I'm excited to go away."

Kyoya lowered his head and pursed his lips, "I have a confession to make. We're not going to Nice."

"What?!"

Suddenly, an obnoxious, loud but familiar voice echoed through the room. Then blond hair whizzed past and he was wrapped in a part of arms, tightly squeezing the living daylight out of him.

"Tamaki?! What the hell are you doing here?!" Kaoru exclaimed in shock.

Tamaki pulled back and took Kaoru's face in his hands, smiling from ear to ear. He kissed Kaoru on the forehead, "I've missed you so much! My son! I'm so happy to be here with you and mummy!"

Kaoru wanted to roll his eyes but he couldn't help but laugh and hug Tamaki again.

"Tamaki, let me see my brother goddammit!"

Kaoru strained his head over Tamaki's shoulder and his eyes widened when he saw Hikaru standing next to Haruhi.

He immediately pushed his former boss away and ran up to Hikaru. Hikaru lifted Kaoru into a hug and they held each other tighter than they had in years. When Hikaru let him down, Haruhi invited the younger twin into an embrace.

After, he stood there, utterly speechless. He glances over at Kyoya for answers, who is leaning against the door in that cool manner of his, smirking, "I thought you needed some time with your brother and old friends. Honey and Mori wanted to come too, but couldn't get time off work."

"How did you all get time off work and university?" Kaoru questioned.

Hikaru shrugged, "I'm the curator, I can take time off whenever I want!"

The younger cocked his head to the side, "Is that really how it works?"

Kaoru felt his heart flutter when he heard Kyoya chuckle from the other side of the room.

"We had a study break luckily," Haruhi said, extending a hand for Tamaki who hopped over to his girlfriend, "And we were coming to France anyway to see Tamaki's mother."

"We're only in Paris for a few days sadly," Tamaki added.

"And I'm going to be here all week," Hikaru threw an arm around his younger brothers shoulder, "It's been a while since we've seen each other. I've missed you."

Kaoru leaned his head on his twins shoulder, "I've missed you too."

He looked over to Kyoya, knowing he had arranged all of this and mouthed thank you. Kyoya nodded at him, still smiling.

They left not too long after and enjoying a day of sightseeing. Tamaki was like an excitable child being back in France chatting away in French to every other person. Haruhi was wide-eyed and taking pictures of everything. Hikaru was mostly just looking forward to dinner all day. Kyoya was quiet which Kaoru found strange for a while, but he remembered that Kyoya had always been that way back in the Host Club.

In the evening, Tamaki and Haruhi's jet lag started to kick in and they went back with Kyoya.

Part of him was disappointed to see that Kyoya went so soon, but he was also relieved and happy to spend some time alone with his brother.

So they sat in Kaoru's apartment, having a few drinks. They had been joking around and enjoying themselves but Hikaru grew quiet as if there was something on his mind.

"What do you want to say?"

"Are you okay here?" Hikaru asked bluntly, "Kyoya told us that he thought you needed to see us all."

"I'm fine... I guess just seeing Kyoya has made me realise how much I missed you all and missed being around everyone," Kaoru said honestly.

"I've missed you too… a lot actually. I feel like I hardly speak to you anymore."

We talk like a few times a week."

Hikaru made a face, "It's once a week if I'm lucky."

Kaoru ducked his head, feeling ashamed, "I'm so sorry. I guess I was just caught up with everything here."

"I guess I just get upset when I think that you don't want to see or talk to me anymore," The older brother leaned back in his chair, looking down at his glass. Kaoru was silent for a moment to organise his thoughts; he didn't expect Hikaru to snap, "So you don't want to talk to me?"

"No, it's not that-"

"Stop bullshitting me, Kaoru! I know that you've stopped talking to me on purpose-"

"Will you let me talk?!" Kaoru said harshly and Hikaru managed to shut up, "You're right, okay? I didn't want to talk to you," Kaoru saw his twins face pale and sadden, "But not because I don't love or care about you… but I needed to distance myself a bit. I didn't know myself at all. I didn't know who I was apart from everyone."

"Including me?"

"Especially you," Kaoru said as softly as possible, "We were attached at the hip for most of our life. Everyone knew us as the Hitachiins, as the twins."

"I thought we were over that though," Hikaru said bitterly, "I thought we had grown to know ourselves. Through the Host Club…"

"Maybe that happened for you… but it didn't happen for me. I needed more time, it wasn't as easy for me. I needed to completely separate myself from you. I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't care. You know I'll always love you more than anyone else."

Hikaru seemed to brighten up, as if he understood. Then, his soft smile turned into his typical evil grin, "More than you love Kyoya?"

Kaoru almost spat out his drink, "W-what?"

"Come on, Kaoru, I've seen the way you look at him and talk about him. Don't try to deny it, you're head over heels."

"I'm not head over heels…" Kaoru said weakly, "I mean he is attractive… and we have been spending a lot of time together. But I'm not in love with him."

"Not yet," Hikaru commented with raised his eyebrows.

Kaoru could hardly deny that he had feelings for Kyoya. He couldn't deny them to his brother especially. He took a large gulp of wine, "He's engaged to one of the most beautiful women in the world... But he's hardly interested in her. And sometimes I think he likes me… like that."

"Kyoya is hard to read…" Hikaru sighed dramatically, "But today… I swear I could have seen him checking out your ass."

The younger twin burst out in laughter, "For god's sake, Hikaru."

"But seriously, I would be careful. Kyoya is going to marry Aya Michiyo because his dad told him to do so. If he's gay he's really unlikely to act upon it… and if he did, he would only ever do it in secret. It would be like a dirty affair with a man back in the Victorian ages. He's always done everything his father told him and that's never going to change…" Hikaru stared at him with a serious expression, "I don't want to see you hurt. And he will hurt you."

Kaoru nodded, "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a terrible habit of posting on fanfiction and then forgetting to post on here! So I'm sorry for the late update! Didn't realise aaaah!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru and his friends go to the most magical place on earth.

Kaoru felt his patience begin to dwindle. He watched Tamaki freaking out about meeting Mickey and Minnie Mouse, the twentieth character they had queued up to meet that day. Haruhi waited patiently for her picture, while Hikaru made obscene gestures behind the poor Minnie. Kaoru and Kyoya did chuckle at that.

Tamaki had insisted on coming to Disneyland today. Kaoru thought Tamaki was excited yesterday but he had seen nothing compared. This was probably the most excited (crazy) he had ever seen his club president. Haruhi was quietly happy to be there; at the beginning of the day she mentioned that she always wanted to go when she was younger. Hikaru just wanted to go on all the rides.

Kaoru had been to Disneyland before so the novelty had worn off ever so slightly. He and Kyoya spent the majority of the day just watching their friends enjoy the theme park, quietly commentating and joking. This was not Kyoya's type of thing but he seemed content enough to observe.

Despite Kaoru's impatience, he was enjoying his time with his friends and his brother. He hadn't realised how much he needed to see Hikaru. It was amazing to have his brother around. But not only that, Tamaki had cheered him up immensely. Tamaki in smaller doses was able to lift the mood of the room. Haruhi was always a comfort to have around.

When they finally left Mickey and Minnie alone, Hikaru came bounding back, followed by the couple.

"Can we go on Space Mountain now?! The park is closing in like two hours! If we don't queue up we might not get to go!" Hikaru complained, hanging onto his brother's arm.

"But we haven't met Aladdin yet!" Tamaki protested.

"Tamaki, you've spent the whole day meeting fictional characters," Haruhi said sternly, "Let's go on some rides for Hikaru."

"My darling, you know Aladdin is my favourite!" Tamaki said dramatically, hugging her tightly from behind.

"You said that about Mulan. And Tigger," Haruhi scolded with a roll of the eyes.

"I don't really want to go on the ride…" Kaoru said.

"Oh come on, Kaoru! Do you still hate roller coasters?" Hikaru teased, leaning into his brother.

"They make me feel sick, Hikaru," Kaoru whispered, falling easily into their brotherly love routine.

Hikaru took the younger's face in his hands, "Don't worry, I'll hold you close. I'll always protect you, Kaoru."

Kyoya suddenly piped up, "Cut it out. We're not in the Host Club anymore."

As they separated, Hikaru raised his eyebrows suggestively and Kaoru knew exactly what he was suggesting; Kyoya is jealous and that's why he's interrupting us. Kaoru brushed the thought off.

"But seriously, I can't do the rollercoaster. I hate getting sick," Kaoru said again.

"Well I don't really fancy it," Kyoya answered casually.

"Perfect!" Tamaki practically shouted, "You two can wait together! We'll call you after we are done!"

Kaoru and Kyoya soon found themselves wandering around the theme park. They chatted lightly about the last few days and their friends' presence in Paris.

They ended up in the Alice in Wonderland maze. It was one of the only places in the park that Kaoru truly loved. It was quirky, relaxing and one of the only parts of Disney that wasn't over crowded.

"Are you happy to see them all?" Kyoya asked with the slightest smile.

"Yeah I am… really happy. Thank you for organising this all."

"I thought you needed to see them. Especially your brother. I know you wanted to distance yourself but I didn't want you to push him away. I thought it would be a good time for you to Hikaru."

Kaoru smiled and looked up at his older friend, "You really are more caring than I ever thought, Kyoya-san."

Kyoya continued to walk and rolled his shoulders, as if he was trying to maintain composure. He quietly muttered, "I care about you."

The redhead's heart fluttered. He cares about me. Kaoru knew that of course. But hearing Kyoya say it filled him with happiness.

But Kyoya was deep in thought and looked slightly uncomfortable. He knew in that moment that Kyoya was struggling with something. Of course, a little part of Kaoru hoped Kyoya cared about him more than a friend. But he knew that was selfish. An internal battle had never radiated so obviously from the black haired man.

So Kaoru decided to lighten the mood and play a little prank on Kyoya.

Kyoya continued to walk down the maze for a few moments, before noticing the Hitachiin's absence. He glanced around in confusion and retraced his steps.

When Kyoya came into view, Kaoru jumped out at him from one of the mazes hidden alleyways and made a noise. He grabbed Kyoya's arms tightly. Like when he did it on the top of the Eiffel Tower, the black haired man showed only the smallest hint of surprise, before he began to laugh.

Kaoru joined in, giggling like a child. He naturally fell into the elders arms as they continued to laugh together. Kyoya's hand somehow made it to Kaoru's waist as they blissfully shared the moment together.

The bliss soon dissipated. Their laughter came to end and they caught each other's eyes. Kaoru was lost in the others gaze. There was a pull; a pull that couldn't stop him from rolling onto the tip of his toes and leaning in towards Kyoya.

And it seemed that Kyoya felt it too. He closed the gap and pressed his lips to Kaoru's.

The redheads arms instinctively wrapped around Kyoya's neck. Kyoya responded by holding Kaoru by the waist and bringing him even closer.

Their lips moved with ease. It crossed Kaoru's mind for a split second that this was abnormally comfortable for a first kiss. Yet it was exciting. A warmth prickled his whole body. All Kaoru wanted was to get closer and for this kiss to never end.

It gradually became heated. Kyoya pulled Kaoru's body closer, almost lifting the smaller man off the floor. Kaoru forced Kyoya away for a moment to push his glasses off his face and placed them carefully on the other man's head. He ran his fingers through black hair before smashing his lips to Kyoya's once again.

The next few minutes were blurry. Kyoya dragged Kaoru into the little passageway, never disconnecting their lips. Kaoru found his back against the hedges, his mouth being explored by Kyoya's tongue. He couldn't contain a small moan.

His hands started to travel over Kyoya's chest. He would love to be able to pull Kyoya's shirt off. Kyoya held the twin by the small of his back and Kaoru wanted his hands to slip lower.

They were not expecting to be interrupted. A child's voice and footsteps approached and they broke apart swiftly. They stood there as a woman and her son rapidly ran past.

Kaoru cast his eyes down as he waited for them to past, his breath stuck in his throat. It began to dawn on him that he had just kissed Kyoya. And he had kissed back, passionately and meaningfully.

After a few moments, Kaoru looked up at his friend. He could see Kyoya trying to regain composure. He shuffled around before straightening his back and lowering his glasses onto his face again.

The atmosphere changed far too quickly. Kaoru could feel the tension radiate off Kyoya, he wanted to back away.

"We should go and meet the others," Kyoya said shortly, turning away and walking down the maze.

Kaoru's feet carried him hastily to follow. He was ready to yell out to Kyoya, when something stopped him. His voice became stuck in his throat and he just walked behind in silence, the weight of what had just happened bearing down on him.

He and Kyoya had just kissed. He was more panicked than happy. Everything he had suspected, everything he had felt for his friend was real. He had wanted it so much and for a while. He thought he should be content, excited. But he wasn't. He actually felt anger bubbling up inside him. He was angry with himself for letting it happen. He was angry with Kyoya for walking away from him like this. He thought Kyoya cared about him.

His thoughts only ceased when Kyoya came to an abrupt stop. Kaoru noticed immediately before, and thankfully prevented himself from bumping into the taller man's back.

He glanced around and realised they had reached a dead end. The angry part of him considered running away from Kyoya right then and there. But he wouldn't. He couldn't.

Kyoya turned around and blinked at his friend, "What now?"

Kaoru stared at him nervously and said, "We could… talk about what just happened."

The older man crossed his arms sternly, "I'm sorry Kaoru, that shouldn't have happened. That's all that needs to be said."

"So, you're gay?" Kaoru said, ignoring the clear attempt to end the conversation.

"No… I am not," Kyoya's voice was shaky and he was clearly unsettled.

The twin took a deep breath and decided he needed to confront the matter head on, "Can we talk real for just a moment Kyoya? There's no one else here. Just tell me the truth."

He watched as Kyoya cast his eyes down. He could sense discomfort, but not only that. Kyoya looked like was emotional, which was something he was not accustomed to seeing in Kyoya.

He stepped forward and carefully placed a hand on Kyoya's arm, "It's okay, we're just talking."

Kyoya looked back up, "You've always known I was gay. But I can't ever do anything about it. I have to marry Aya."

"Why though…? Why do you have to marry Aya?"

"If I don't, I will lose everything."

Kaoru couldn't find the energy to argue with Kyoya. He knew he would never change Kyoya's mind. Kyoya had always cared far too much about what his father thought and would never risk anything to defy him. Kyoya wanted to be his the successor to the Ootori Group and he would only ever do things which would help him achieve this. Being with a man could make him happy in his personal life, but he would lose his professional career.

Kaoru could understand the conflict. But he couldn't ever do it himself.

"Okay… let's just go back and meet the others."

They left and walked back to meet their friends in relative silence. Thankfully, they didn't stay in the 'magical' park for much longer.

Hikaru's jet lag caught up with him and he went straight to bed. Kaoru couldn't sleep though. His brother was stretched out across the bed, snoring. So he dragged himself off into his studio.

His head was in bits. That kiss had been so amazing and intense. No one had ever kissed him like that. A kiss had never played on his mind like this. He wanted it to happen again. But he knew that it shouldn't and couldn't. It was too complicated, too risky, for their friendship and for Kyoya's future.

Kaoru began to draw. It was the best way to distract himself.

However, when his phone rang and it was Kyoya, he knew he was not going to find a moment of peace.

He picked up the phone and whispered, "Kyoya?"

"Kaoru, can I speak to you? I'm outside your apartment."

He suddenly felt extremely nervous and shaky yet he couldn't help but agree. He crept around the apartment, finding a coat and shoes before quietly letting himself out. If he woke Hikaru now, everything would blow up.

When he went down, Kyoya stood outside waiting for him. There was clearly worry in his eyes but he smiled ever so slightly when he saw Kaoru.

"Are you okay, Kyoya?"

"Kaoru, I like you," Kaoru stilled and his heart thumped in his chest, surprised at the confession but Kyoya continued, "As much as I wish I could drop everything and be openly gay, I just can't. I can't leave her, because I'll lose everything. My reputation, my family, my career," Kyoya took a deep breath, "But I'm here for a few more months and I want to spend the rest of my time in Paris with you. I know it's selfish of me, but if this is our only chance to get together then I want to take it. I understand if this is a ridiculous proposal and I don't want to risk our relationship-"

"Kyoya, wait, calm down," Kaoru interrupted the older mans rambling, "What are you asking me for?"

"For an agreement," Kyoya grabbed Kaoru's hand, holding it tenderly, "I want to see you, date you for the next few months I want to be with you. But after we leave it behind. I'll go back to Japan and you'll stay here and we'll get on with our lives."

Kaoru frowned deeply, "Just give me a second…"

Kaoru was shocked at himself for even considering this. He squeezed Kyoya's hand with the pressure of his decision.

He thought it was crazy to put a time frame on a relationship. It would have to end in a few months. Could he cope with that? Could he be with someone that he actually liked for just a few months? Kaoru had lots of different relationships that had just been sexual for periods of time. He knew he could probably do this. But that wasn't when there was fiancé involved. Nor were they his childhood friend.

But he wanted to be with Kyoya so much. He knew this was his only chance. He was stable and secure enough to not allow himself to completely fall for Kyoya. He was mature enough to understand Kyoya's situation and move on when necessary.

He could do this. He had to keep telling himself that.

Kaoru pulled Kyoya forward into a passionate kiss. Kyoya immediately responded and held the shorter mans face in his hands and kissed back hard.

He smiled into the kiss and moved his fingers to run through Kyoya's hair. Again, the kiss began to escalate. Kaoru was pressed against the wall, his friend's hands roaming. Kyoya's lips trailed down his face and Kaoru tipped his chin back, offering his neck.

"Wait…" Kaoru pushed Kyoya away, "We can't… not now. Hikaru is up there."

Kyoya rested his forehead against Kaoru's, "Come round tomorrow. Aya is still out of town."

Kaoru shook his head softly, "What about Hikaru? I can't leave him on his own… and he'll know something is wrong."

"Tell him you have to go into work, just come for a few hours."

Kaoru found himself nodding, not at all considering the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So hope you like this long, juicy chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikaru is still a protective older brother.

When Kaoru woke up, he still felt exhausted and he just wanted to collapse back down in bed and sleep for another few hours. But he heard his brother rattling around outside his door. He knew he should probably make him breakfast and keep him company.

He pushed himself out of the bed, before hearing Hikaru's voice. He was on the phone to his girlfriend, so Kaoru decided to wait a few minutes and gradually get dressed as he waited for his brother.

He began to think about last night and the kisses he shared with Kyoya. His heart raced and felt himself heat up just from the memory of the Ootori's hands on his body. Then he thought about what he had agreed to with Kyoya. Could he be with someone when he knew they had an expiry date? He used to sleep with guys for a few months at a time with no emotional attachment.

But it was different with Kyoya. He did have feelings for the other man. That was undeniable. He was always excited to be around the other man and was abnormally comfortable around him. It could end badly.

Yet Kaoru convinced himself that it would work. He told himself that he had full control over his feelings. He wanted Kyoya so badly and maybe it would be a good thing to get it out of his system. He had never developed feelings beyond sex and he believed he could do it with Kyoya.

It sounded like Hikaru was off the phone so he decided to emerge from his bedroom. His twin sat at his kitchen counter, swinging his legs and scrolling through his phone.

"Morning," Kaoru mumbled as he begins to get their breakfast ready.

"Morning…" Hikaru looked up and frowned dramatically, "You look like shit."

"I didn't sleep very well."

Hikaru studied his brother intensely for a moment, "What's wrong? Something is going on. Tell me."

Kaoru considered not telling his brother for a moment. Hikaru would only criticize him and Kyoya. But he knew Hikaru would get it out of him at one point or another, so it was better to just admit it now.

"Kyoya and I… kissed last night."

Hikaru slammed his palms onto the counter, "What?! Seriously?!"

"Yeah… I'm going to see him tonight," Kaoru said casually.

"Okay… you're going to have to break this down for me. Are you and Kyoya dating? Why are you going to his apartment? Have you become completely unaware of the fact that he has a fiancé?"

"I am aware of that. It's going to be a more… casual arrangement."

"So you're going to be fuck buddies?"

Kaoru shrugged, hoping Hikaru would change the subject soon, "I don't know, I guess."

"This is going to go so badly," Hikaru groaned, dropping his face into his hands.

"It'll be fine, Hikaru."

"No it won't. You're going to get hurt."

Kaoru clenched his jaw. Hikaru was just reaffirming everything he was pushing to the back of his mind, "No, I will be fine, Hikaru. I'm an adult, I will be able to handle myself."

"Come on, Kaoru! A few days ago you practically admitted you have feelings for Kyoya!"

"It's nothing I can't control."

"Kaoru," His twin said sternly, "You're risking your feelings for a fuck."

The younger twin felt the anger rise up inside and he practically crashed Hikaru's breakfast in front of him, "It's none of your business, Hikaru."

"Fine," Hikaru stood up and picked up his food and headed towards the guest room, "Do what you want, see if I care."

He slammed the door behind him and Kaoru just rolled his eyes. He grabbed his own breakfast and hid in his studio, locking the door behind him.

He spent the day locked up in the studio, furiously sketching. He was annoyed at Hikaru for interfering, but mostly for re-igniting his self-doubt in his decision with Kyoya. But again, he dismissed it and concentrated instead on his work.

He heard Hikaru leave around the middle of the day and assumed he was going to meet Haruhi and Tamaki. He crept out at that point and found a note on the table. Hikaru confirmed his suspicions and despite their argument, said that he was going to make an excuse for Kaoru's absence. Feeling stubborn, Kaoru still held onto his resentment for his twin.

The day went by very slowly. After dinner, Kaoru jumped straight into a cab to go to Kyoya's. He was excited but nervous to see his friend. He knew things had changed and he worried that things wouldn't be as comfortable anymore. He focused on that as if it was the only problem with this arrangement.

He arrived not too long after and he makes his way up to Kyoya's rented apartment. Kyoya opened the door with a wide smile. He immediately came forward and planted a kiss on Kaoru's cheek. Kaoru felt the blush rise up his throat and he melted in Kyoya's arms.

"You're early," Kyoya stated.

Kaoru slipped his hand round Kyoya's neck, "I couldn't wait to see you."

On the tips of his toes, he pressed a long kiss to Kyoya's lips. The black haired man returned the favour.

When they separated, Kyoya asked him to come in and whether he wanted a glass of wine. Kaoru eagerly accepted the invitation and walked in to settle down on the couch.

A minute later, Kaoru was downing a glass of wine, trying to forget about any doubts he had or any doubts that had been sown in his head by his brother.

"What's wrong, Kaoru?"

The redhead placed the glass on the coffee table, "I'm sorry… I just had an argument with Hikaru this morning... and it has been bothering me all day."

"You told him about us," Kyoya said with confidence.

"Yeah… I couldn't keep it a secret from him. Sorry."

"Don't say sorry," Kyoya said while sipping at his wine, "So he told you not to come."

"He thinks this is a bad idea…"

Kyoya fiddled with his glasses before breathing in and maintaining his composure, "Kaoru, if you're not sure about this…"

"I am sure," Kaoru said with power.

He stood up and approached Kyoya. The other man watched him with a fire in his eyes. Kaoru flung a leg over Kyoya's lap so he was straddling him. Kyoya's body immediately gravitated towards his, and he ran his hands over Kaoru's legs.

"I want this," Kaoru moved his hands to hold his friends neck, "I want you," he whispered.

Kyoya dove forward and caught Kaoru in a passionate kiss. Kaoru immediately reciprocated, opening his lips to allow the taller man's tongue to meet his.

Their bodies pressed up against each other and Kaoru could feel Kyoya's hardness against his crotch. If Kaoru wasn't turned on already, he became desperate to rip off their clothes and get down to it.

Kyoya seemed to have similar thoughts and his hands started wandering under Kaoru's shirt. Kaoru allowed a moan to escape the back of his throat, enjoying the feeling of Kyoya's touch.

They separated for a moment, searching each other's eyes. Kyoya raised his hand to take his glasses off, throwing them to the side.

Kaoru smirked and held onto the nape of the others neck, "Will mommy take me to the bedroom?"

"Please don't call me that now," Kyoya said resisting a smirk.

The redhead laughed and pecked the other's lips, "Come on, mommy," he lifted himself off and held out a hand.

Kyoya stared at him for a moment before smiling and accepting his hand, "I should just kick you out."

He began to drag Kyoya towards the bedroom. Feeling confident, he teased, "You would never do that."

They reached the bedroom and Kaoru released Kyoya's hand. He sat down on the bed, looking expectedly at Kyoya, who watched him with amusement.

"Cocky, hm?"

Kaoru fingered his zipper, relishing in his new lover's hungry gaze, "You want me. Tell me you want me."

Kyoya strode towards the smaller man and immediately cupped the back of Kaoru's head, "I want you. More than anything or anyone."

Kaoru reached forward and dragged the man towards him to engage in another mind-blowing kiss.

They soon rid themselves of their clothes until they were left in their underwear. Kaoru allowed Kyoya to win control. He liked being dominated and letting someone take over. He liked experimenting and was extremely fluid in his sexuality, but he couldn't deny that he loved bottoming and he liked having someone strong and powerful to lead.

And Kyoya had always been a natural leader. He pinned one of Kaoru's hands to the bed and ran the other over the curve of Kaoru's behind. He pulled their hips together, while shamelessly fondling the Hitachiin's arse.

Kaoru wrapped his legs around the taller man's hips and desperately bucked upwards, groaning when their erections came in contact through the thin layers of their boxers. Kyoya allowed a low moan to escape his throat, and began to grind their hips together.

They rutted together for a few minutes, urgently and passionately, their kiss never breaking. Kaoru felt himself getting close and decided to push Kyoya away, wanting this to last longer.

Kyoya breathed hard and stared at the younger, "Is this okay?"

Kaoru smiled softly, "I'm fine, I just didn't want it to end yet…" he thread his fingers through black locks, Kyoya leaning into the touch, "Have you ever… done this with a man before?"

"No," Kyoya said quietly.

"Do you really want to?"

"Yes… yes. I want to."

"Well… I'm excited to teach you."

Kyoya mirrored him, reaching up to stroke his hair. Kaoru's breath hitched and he felt a longing in his chest as he basked in Kyoya's gentleness and intimacy.

They kissed softly for a few minutes, before the heat rose again. They were soon slipping off their boxers so they were flushed, naked against each other.

Before they got carried away, Kaoru pulled Kyoya's hand down towards his entrance. He looked caught off guard and Kaoru could sense that he was uncomfortable with the ambiguity of their situation.

"It's okay, Kyoya. If you hurt me, I'll tell you."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Kaoru reassured.

Kyoya seemed to relax and slowly pushed a finger in. Kaoru was right; it didn't hurt. His emotional comfort with his friend translated into his physical relaxation. Kyoya prepared him as best as he could. Even though he didn't know completely what he was doing, it felt good to Kaoru anyway.

Kyoya reached over to the bedside and grabbed a bottle of lubricant.

"You were prepared…" Kaoru smirked.

"When am I not?" The Ootori said sarcastically.

Kaoru giggled and grabbed the bottle from Kyoya's hand. Kyoya's breath hitched when the redhead began to stroke the lubricant over his length.

"I'm ready now, Kyoya."

Kyoya pulled Kaoru's legs up around his waist as he slowly pushed into him. Kaoru grabbed onto his lover's hands, gripping them tightly. Kyoya was big and it had been a while.

When he was all the way sheathed, Kyoya stopped for a minute, "Are you okay?"

Kaoru could tell Kyoya was trying hard not to move. His desperation not to hurt Kaoru strangely relaxed him further and he urged the man to begin.

It started off slowly. Kyoya seemed to be testing the waters and soaking up this new experience. His usual composure slipped more and more. Kaoru was fascinated but at the same time so incredibly aroused by the sight and situation.

Kyoya moved his hips experimentally and Kaoru cried out in pleasure when that special spot was brushed against. In a moment of panic, Kyoya nearly withdrew until Kaoru locked his legs around the taller man's lower back and urged him to keep thrusting.

They became more erratic and passionate, their moans mixing into each other's. Kyoya reached between them and began pumping Kaoru, which only made Kaoru louder.

When Kyoya attached his lips to Kaoru's neck and began to pepper kisses over his skin, the smaller man unconsciously lifted himself to be closer. His grip became tighter and tighter on Kyoya's hair as he felt himself approach his orgasm.

As he came, Kaoru arched his back and tugged his lower lip with his teeth to stop himself from screaming. Kyoya bit down on Kaoru's neck lightly, as the Hitachiin clenched down around him. He followed quickly in his orgasm with a groan.

Their foreheads pressed together as their time to catch their breaths. When they had fully recovered, Kyoya rolled off and pulled Kaoru into his side. Kaoru nestled his nose into the crook of his lover's neck.

"Was that all you hoped for?" Kaoru whispered.

"More than I hoped for," Kyoya reached up to play with Kaoru's red hair.

The twin just giggled ever so slightly before deciding to ask, "Did you always know that I had a crush on you?"

"I suspected."

Kaoru lightly hit Kyoya's chest, "Come on… you knew that I did."

"Okay, I knew. Did you know I was attracted to you?"

"I suspected…" They both laughed before Kaoru sighed and tried to hide his face, "I wasn't sure. You're so hard to read."

"Well now you know. I've always been attracted to you. Ever since you joined the Host Club."

Kaoru uncertainly traced his fingers over Kyoya's chest, "To Hikaru as well."

"No, never Hikaru," Kyoya said with certainty, "He drove me mad most of the time," Kaoru chuckled, "You always attracted me from the start. You were intriguing. Hikaru wore his heart on his sleeve, but you were more reserved and followed him in his behaviour. I wanted to know more about the younger Hitachiin twin. You held back and I wanted to know you, the real you. And through the Host Club, I did. I realised you were smart and intuitive. You were caring, you always put others before yourself. I found all of that very attractive."

Kyoya's voice remained somewhat stoic but Kaoru picked up on the sincerity of what he was saying. He didn't know what to say. His heart ached so all he could do was lift his head up and press a firm but meaningful kiss to the corner of the older man's mouth. It was the only way he knew how to show that he appreciated what Kyoya was saying to him. Although it was years too late, it was satisfying to know that someone understood him.

They fell asleep together that night, curled up in each other's arms. When Kaoru woke up, he savoured the way their legs were wound together and that in his sleep, Kyoya had nestled his nose in Kaoru's hair.

Morning sex was one of Kaoru's favourite things in the world. He loved how lazy and personal it was. If he and his partner had been drunk the night before, morning sex was a great way to know the other person really fancied him.

In Kyoya's case, morning sex was horribly reassuring. This wasn't just curiosity on Kyoya's part. It wasn't just a one-time thing because he hadn't fucked in a while.

Kaoru loved morning sex and this was the best morning sex he had ever had.

Just after nine, Kyoya prepared for a meeting so Kaoru began to get ready to go home. He was happy that they would see each other than evening. Tamaki and Haruhi were leaving tomorrow which called for a fancy meal.

The only thing that worried him was returning home to Hikaru.

When Kaoru left, Kyoya cupped his face and kissed him again, as if they hadn't kissed before. It had left the Hitachiin breathless and he strolled out of Kyoya's building as if he was walking on air.

That feeling was abruptly distinguished upon his arrival at his flat.

Hikaru sat in his living room, watching the morning news. He looked around when Kaoru shut the door, his expression unmoving.

"Where've you been? With Kyoya?"

Kaoru lowered his head as he moved to sit next to his brother, "Yes, I was with Kyoya."

"Look…" Hikaru sighed, "I'm only here for a few more days. And I don't want to argue with you. So I'm just going to do what you want. I'm just going to support you and pretend I don't think this is the stupidest idea you've ever had."

Kaoru laughed in relief, "Thank you for supporting me. And thank you for dropping the protective big brother role."

Hikaru smirked and threw an arm around his twin's shoulder, pulling him into a headlock. Kaoru thrashed around trying to break out of it, but Hikaru was stronger. He finally released his grip and they laughed.

"Just to let you know, I'll never stop being protective over you."

Kaoru's lips upturned and his head fell on Hikaru's shoulder, "I know."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru begins to become conflicted about his relationship with Kyoya.

Nearly two months after the unexpected visit from his friends, Kaoru was busy and back at work. He had maintained more contact with his brother and friends. He had been calling Hikaru every week on a Saturday evening. He actually replied to all of Tamaki's emails and texts now and called Haruhi when he got the chance. He even called Honey the week before and talked for a few hours, with a brief intermission from a pretty unresponsive Mori.

He didn't realise how much he missed them all nor how happy they all made him.

Never mind the fact that he was horribly content with Kyoya.

He spent a few nights a week with Kyoya and usually a day at the weekend. They sometimes went to dinner, went for walks around Paris, but most of the time they spent at Kaoru's apartment. They watched television together or cooked dinner, or just spent their time in bed.

Kyoya made Kaoru feel good. He felt happy, comfortable and funny. Kyoya made him feel cool and sexy. He truly enjoyed being in this strange relationship of theirs. Everyday, he looked forward to seeing the older man in the evening. If he knew he was seeing Kyoya at the weekend, he counted down the days. But as he counted down the days to see him, he also felt like time was moving forward and closer to when Kyoya would be leaving. He was dreading it, although he wouldn't admit that.

Kaoru didn't understand how he had pushed aside the fact that Kyoya had a fiancé to the side. To him, Aya had completely disappeared from the equation. Kyoya never mentioned her so there wasn't any danger of her coming during their time together.

Kaoru only thought of Aya later on. Bubbles of guilt would surface but he would quickly bottle them up. If he began to think of the fiancé he wouldn't even be able to function with the feelings of shame.

The redhead was currently designing his small collection, but he wasn't alone. Kyoya had his laptop out and was doing some work (he had no idea what the other man was doing).

Kyoya had neatly organised his side of the desk, while Kaoru's remained a mess of fabric, pencils and paper.

Kaoru was entertained by the sight and laughed lightly. Kyoya looked up with a smile and asked, "What?"

"You're such a control freak, it's ridiculous."

"I'm not a control freak. You're just extremely messy. Do you ever tidy this room?"

"It's organised mess. Clutter. I like clutter."

Kyoya looked back at his laptop, "Lazy."

Kaoru smirked, pushed himself out of his chair and went to stand over Kyoya. He could tell Kyoya was trying to ignore him.

He wound his arms around the taller man's shoulders. Kyoya immediately dropped what he was doing to hold Kaoru by his waist.

"I'm not lazy… I only make the time for the things that matter."

Kyoya craned his neck forward, glancing down at the Hitachiin's lips, "Like what?"

The way Kyoya was looking at him slammed any smart-ass remarks out of his head.

Instead, he just leaned forward and captured Kyoya's lips. Kyoya's laugh was muffled and he returned the kiss. He quickly pulled Kaoru into his lap. The smaller man squeaked ever so slightly. He recovered and swung his legs over Kyoya's, so he sat comfortably on his lover.

They sat like that for a few minutes just kissing. It was sweet and comforting. However, Kyoya couldn't help himself and his hands began to explore Kaoru's body. He had become more confident since that first time.

He opened Kaoru's zipper and slipped his hand into the redhead's boxers. Kaoru gasped and pushed his hips forward.

Suddenly, a ringing echoed through the room. Kyoya groaned and pulled his hand away from Kaoru. The smaller man whined ever so slightly. Kyoya kissed his lips lightly and reached for the phone.

Kaoru kicked his legs back and forth playfully as he waited for Kyoya. He seemed at first to be chatting to a colleague, but Kaoru soon realised that wasn't the case. The black haired man leaned away from Kaoru and seemed to be making arrangements for that evening.

He realised that it was Aya and he felt dread creep up his body. Part of him wanted to pry himself away from Kyoya, it didn't feel right to be sitting on his lovers lap while he spoke to his fiancé. But he didn't want to separate himself from Kyoya.

Kyoya hung up and awkwardly looked back up to the twin. Kaoru hung his head, not wanting to catch the other's eyes.

Kaoru felt his chin being lifted and he met his friend's eyes. Kyoya leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I have to go in an hour," Kyoya said, untypically gently for him.

"Okay…"

The taller man stroked the back of Kaoru's neck. They sat there in a sad silence for a moment, knowing that they were sharing similar thoughts.

Kaoru decided that he needed to change the mood. For himself and Kyoya. He knew he couldn't get too invested, nor did he want to feel guilty. He also didn't want Kyoya to feel bad. Usually, Kaoru would never condone cheating normally. But with Kyoya he seemed to forgive it. This was his only chance to really explore his sexuality and just be himself.

Never mind the fact that he wanted Kyoya. Maybe it was a selfish desire, but Kaoru couldn't stop himself.

"An hour is enough time for you to fuck me in the shower…" Kaoru whispered teasingly.

Kyoya seemed relieved and smirked, "You don't know what you do to me."

"Oh I do."

That evening Kaoru went for drinks with Amelie for the first time in weeks. She rattled on about work and this new girl she was seeing and some designer she had met. Kaoru wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about; he was extremely distracted.

She clearly realised and frowned at him, "What's wrong? Why have you been acting so strange lately?"

"Nothing," Kaoru knew his voice sounded unconvincing, "I'm fine."

Amelie shot him a look, "Come on Kaoru, tell me what's going on."

Kaoru decided that confiding in Amelie couldn't be a bad thing. He didn't have anyone to talk to about his relationship with Kyoya. Hikaru asked but he didn't want to tell him very much because he was so critical in the beginning. He didn't want Hikaru to worry about him.

"I'm seeing someone…" Kaoru admitted.

Amelie narrowed her eyes, "It's Etienne."

"No, I'm not seeing Etienne… anymore."

"Who is it?"

"You're going to kill me…" He groaned.

"Is it a girl?! You're not gay!"

"Don't be stupid, Amelie."

"Just tell me, Kaoru! Stop teasing!" She exclaimed.

"Okay, okay…" Kaoru had a large gulp of wine, "It's actually Kyoya… my friend from home."

His boss frowned deeply, "Wait… the one who is engaged to Nowaka?!" All Kaoru could do was nod, "Kaoru! What?! What on earth are you doing?! He's in a relationship!"

Kaoru groaned and his face fell in his hands, "I don't know… I don't know!"

"Kaoru… you are dating an engaged man…" Amelie said, as if she was trying to wrap her head around it.

He groaned again, still hiding, "I know!"

"How did this even happen?! Did you used to date in school?"

"No… I mean I had a crush on him back then. I just didn't think he felt the same way…

"Kaoru seriously…" She reached forward and grasped his hand, "What are you doing?!"

"I don't know…" Kaoru lifted his head and shook it, "But I can't stop… I've been in my own little bubble. And then today… Aya called him and I realised… he has a bloody fiancé! It was the first time what I was doing really sank in… I'm dating and sleeping with someone who has a fiancé, someone who will be married soon. I feel so bad."

The French woman sighed and squeezed her friend's hand, "It will be fine. It's okay, Kaoru."

"No it's not! I don't know what I'm doing…"

"Why doesn't he just break it off with Aya? If he likes men…?"

"He won't, his father arranged the marriage," Kaoru explained.

Amelie made a dramatic face that Kaoru would normally find entertaining, "What?! You have arranged marriages in Japan? What century do the Japanese live in?!"

"It's not legally binding or anything like that… but he could get disowned and lose his job… even his family."

"Arranged marriages, disowning?! What kind of crazy world did you used to live in?!"

"He comes from an extremely rich, influential family. I know you might not get it… but it's just a different way of life. It would be a huge deal for him to disobey his father. There is a lot of pressure."

"But for love it seems worth it!"

Hearing Amelie say that strange and foreign word panicked Kaoru, "Who said anything about love?"

"Well I would assume that is the only reason you would put yourself through this. You're not one to hurt yourself and other people just for sex."

He couldn't lie to Amelie. He couldn't lie to himself anymore either.

Of course he was in love with Kyoya. He wouldn't be in this whole situation if he wasn't. Kyoya had always been interesting and special to him, ever since he joined the Host Club. But now, that was just amplified. Kyoya was his best friend as well as lover. Other than Hikaru, he had never been able to completely be himself with someone. But Kyoya was the one person he felt utterly alive around. He was a confident, smart, sarcastic person who Kaoru wanted more and more of. He hung off Kyoya's every word and felt at home in his presence. Not only did Kaoru adore the older man, Kyoya made him feel like the only person in the world that mattered.

He was utterly, hopelessly in love with Kyoya.

And he knew it was going to go so badly.

"I just don't want to admit it… then it would make it real."

Amelie smiled softly at him and lifted his hand up to kiss it, "I know… it will be alright. And if not, my wine collection will be open to you at any time."

Kaoru chuckled, grateful for Amelie's support and friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since I updated! Hope you enjoy this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru and Kyoya spend an intimate morning together.

Kaoru's eyes fluttered open peacefully and he became aware of the warm body pressed up against him. He rolled over onto his stomach and lifted his head ever so slightly to look at Kyoya's sleeping face.

He begun to stroke his lover's black hair, thinking about the time they had spent together and the time they had left. Kyoya was leaving in a month and a half. He would go back to Japan with his fiancé and Kaoru would have to move on from these wonderful few months.

He hadn't told Kyoya about his realisation. He was trying to guard himself by not telling Kyoya his true feelings. It was hard to not let it slip out sometimes. When they were lying in bed or having a meal or even just cuddling on the sofa, he had to stop himself from saying those three little words. But he knew it would ruin everything if he did. It would make everything far too real.

Kaoru had become good at swallowing everything up and not thinking about it. Aya being one of them. He was grateful that he hadn't bumped into the model because he was feeling extremely guilty. It just wasn't like him to be with an engaged man.

Yet the horrible happiness that overcame him every time he was around Kyoya made it worth it. And maybe it was the happiness that made him feel so guilty.

Kyoya soon woke up and he immediately smiled when he caught sight of Kaoru watching him, "You're staring."

"I wish you wore contacts… you have such pretty eyes," Kaoru commented.

"Pretty?" Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

Kaoru shifted closer, their lips only a breath away, and he smiled innocently, "Yes pretty."

"Pretty is normally the way I would describe you."

Kaoru laughed and pecked his friend's lips. He then nestled his face into Kyoya's shoulder, whining ever so slightly, "I don't want to go to work."

"Call in sick," Kyoya said while wrapping his arms around Kaoru, holding him tightly, "Let's spend the day together."

"You have a meeting at eleven."

"I can cancel."

"Don't tempt me," Kaoru groaned, "We'll see each other tonight anyway, if you come to the Vogue November party."

Kaoru felt Kyoya stiffen ever so slightly and he felt a sense of impending doom, "Well… you know Aya will be there."

"Oh… is she definitely coming?" Kyoya just nodded against softly the twin's shoulder, "Okay… that's alright."

"We could sneak off again."

Kaoru knew Kyoya was trying to comfort him. But he couldn't help but feel sleazy. He decided to ignore it and change the subject. He wanted to change it so much in fact, that he went as intimate as he could think of.

After a moment of silence, Kaoru curiously asked, "What does your mum think of Aya?"

Kyoya seemed a bit surprised for a split second but he settled down quickly, running his fingers over Kaoru's back, "She's only met her once. She said she was beautiful."

"Is that it?"

"I think she knows that I like men."

"Really?"

"Well… she's an intelligent woman who loves and knows her children."

"If she knows… how can she encourage you to marry Aya?"

"She doesn't," Kyoya said bluntly, "She tells me all the time to do what makes me happy."

"Then why don't you?"

Kyoya abruptly sat up, Kaoru moving away when he did so. He reached over and put his glasses on and Kaoru could immediately tell Kyoya was becoming uncomfortable and frustrated.

"Why are we talking about this, Kaoru?"

Kaoru felt slightly upset that Kyoya was so against telling him about his mother. It hurt him that Kyoya was so resistant about talking to him about their personal and family issues.

A passionate anger surged through his body and he began to move towards the edge of the bed, "Fine, I'll leave."

The older man grabbed Kaoru's arm and dragged him back, embracing Kaoru from behind. His legs wrapped around Kaoru's and he held him in place.

"No, don't go… I'm sorry."

The redhead's anger immediately dissolved and he relaxed his Kyoya's arms. He pressed his face in his lover's neck as a silent apology for losing his temper.

"What did your parents think of you being gay?"

Kaoru was surprised that the Ootori chose to continue at least the topic of their conversation, "They were okay with it… my dad had a little trouble with it at the beginning. My mum was mostly fine. I mean, she's a designer; gay men surround her every day. I think when Hikaru got a girlfriend they accepted it a little bit more."

"They realised they would still have the chance of grandchildren."

"Yeah," Kaoru chuckled, "It was probably that…" He knew he was probably pushing Kyoya a bit too much, but he wanted to know more about why he refused to come out, "Does anyone know about you being gay, Kyoya? I'm sorry… I guess I just can't imagine being out and open…"

Kyoya's lips found Kaoru's neck and the smaller man and Kyoya took a deep breath against his skin, "I told my sister when I was seventeen, not long after I met you."

"What?"

"I told you before that I've always been attracted to you."

"I guess I just didn't think you would tell anyone."

"I told Tamaki as well."

"Really?" Kaoru asked, "I didn't think you would tell Tamaki. He's normally such a loud mouth."

"Well he managed to keep that one quiet. He guessed though, he's much shrewder than you would think," Kyoya sighed lightly, "He always encouraged me to make a move on you."

"Of course he did," Kaoru smiled while rolling his eyes, "Have you told him about this now?"

"No… Tamaki would never understand what we're doing now…"

The redhead closed his eyes sadly, "He's too romantic to understand this… arrangement."

"I don't think he would understand why we have to stop."

Kaoru stilled and he strangely found himself feeling emotional. He mumbled, "Sometimes I don't know why we have to stop."

"I don't know either."

Kaoru raised his head and caught Kyoya's eyes. The black haired man surged forward quickly and kissed Kaoru lovingly. The kiss felt powerful and passionate and Kaoru returned it with as much emotion as possible.

"I better go," Kaoru whispered, "I'll be late for work."

Kaoru had a quick shower and got dressed, borrowing one of Kyoya's shirts because he knew someone would notice if he wore the same one two days in a row.

While he was putting his shirt on, he could feel Kyoya's gaze on his body. He peeked over his shoulder with a small grin.

"Kiss me before you go," Kyoya ordered in a playful way.

Kaoru bounded up to his lover and took his face in his hands. He kissed the other man firmly.

"I'll see you later."

Kaoru finished work at six that evening. The party was at seven, so he picked out some clothes from the closet at Vogue. He wore a new Prada suit that Amelie picked out for him. It was black and white and dog-toothed.

Dread had pooled in the bottom of Kaoru's stomach before the party. And now, at the event itself, he felt completely horrible.

Aya was hanging off Kyoya the whole night. Kaoru couldn't even get near his lover.

Not that he wanted to approach them. The thought of having to interact directly with Kyoya and his fiancé made him sick to his stomach. It was painful enough watching this well-performed façade. Kyoya hardly looked twice at him. Instead, he smiled and held Aya by the waist or her hand.

So Kaoru did the only thing he could think of. He sat at the bar with and drank.

Amelie ran up to him and grabbed his arm, "I've just met Elizabeth Donald, the English actress! We're going on a date tomorrow!"

"At least this one's in Europe," Kaoru said as humorously as he could.

"I would actually have an excuse to visit London!"

Kaoru clinked his glass against Amelie's, "Cheers to that."

He could feel his boss' eyes bearing into him and she placed a hand on his arm softly, "You seem sad," She began to whisper, "I'm guessing it has something to do with your lover prancing around with his girlfriend."

"It's just… awkward," Kaoru muttered.

"Okay, cut the crap, Kaoru," His eyes widened at her unexpected tone, "You have been withholding so much. You don't talk about anything that is happening with Kyoya, even though I know you're stressed and confused. Just tell me how you feel, how you really feel."

Tears suddenly sprung to the Hitachiin's eyes, though he tried to hold it in, "It hurts… It just hurts and I know it shouldn't…" Amelie dragged him into a hug immediately, "Can we get out of here?"

"Of course darling…"

"I'm just going to clean myself up in the toilet…"

"Okay, I'll meet you at the entrance."

Kaoru splashed water over his face. His eyes were slightly red and he looked extremely pale.

He breathed in deeply, wondering how on earth he had got himself in this situation. He was painfully in love with Kyoya and it killed him to see the person he loved with another person. But he knew he had brought this upon himself. His conflict was overwhelming. The mix of jealousy and guilt was confusing but agonizing.

He was sniffling as he left the bathroom and almost didn't notice when he bumped into someone else.

He looked up and thought his heart was going to stop when he saw Aya standing there, just as graceful as ever.

"Aya-san…" Kaoru said, eyes wide.

"Kaoru-san, it has been a while. How have you been?"

"I've been good… have you been enjoying your stay in Paris?" He asked nervously.

"It's been fantastic for my career," Aya said, "But I'll admit, it hasn't been all that I wanted it to be."

His mouth and throat were dry, dreading the answer when he said, "How so?"

"Well I did want to spend more time with my fiancé. But he has been rather preoccupied since he got here."

Kaoru realised immediately that she knew. Her tone said it all, she didn't need to say it out loud.

Kaoru didn't think he could have felt any worse. But now he did.

He wanted to run and hide, but his legs wouldn't move.

"At first I thought it was work," Aya continued, "It was always work. That's what he said anyway. But I realised it wasn't. You see, Kyoya doesn't think I'm very clever. He never thought I would figure it out. But I did. The out of town business trips and dinners became more frequent. I knew he had a lover. But I wondered what girl could catch his attention more than me? What girl could be more beautiful, come from a better family? Who could he want more than me? For the last month, I've been trying to figure it out. Until tonight."

"Aya-san-"

She didn't stop and Kaoru shut up quickly, "I saw your eyes following him and his eyes following you. He was subtle, I wouldn't have noticed. But you, not so much. And then it made me notice Kyoya. He is good at pretending. But I could tell he was pretending nonetheless. The reason he doesn't have any interest in me is because he is interested in men."

A fresh set of tears sprung to Kaoru's eyes and he began to apologize, "Aya-san I'm so sorry-"

"No, you will let me speak," Aya said firmly, the slightest bit of malice in her voice, "Kyoya is never going to be with you. He needs me. His family needs me. He knows that he will have to marry me because of that," By the time she raised her hand and stroked Kaoru's cheek, he was openly and uncontrollably crying, "You deserve more, Kaoru. You are an intelligent, gorgeous and creative man and you will meet someone amazing. You will have an incredible, adventurous life and you will be happy. Probably happier than Kyoya and I ever will be."

Kaoru didn't know why, but he leaned into her hand while he sobbed, "I'm so sorry Aya… I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, I understand, Kaoru," The model ran her finger over Kaoru's skin, wiping the tears away, "But it needs to stop… now."

"But I love him."

Her fingers found his red hair and she stroked his red locks, "I know. But you will never have him."

You will never have him.

Of course Kaoru had known that already. This was never supposed to be more than a fling. He knew that. But hearing it from someone else really hit home.

Kyoya was never going to change. He was always going to want to please his father. He was always going to care more about his career and reputation more than anything else. Kaoru hadn't prepared for how hard this would be or the heartache it would entail.

He couldn't stand there in front of Aya, crying. So he turned on his heel and hurried away. His head was pounding and he was shaking, as if he was having a panic attack.

He vaguely saw Kyoya at the bar, who was clearly watching him. But he ran past him, nonetheless, not wanting to show his broken face.

So he ran off onto the street, the tears streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated! And sorry it's a really depressing chapter haha!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karol wants to escape.

Kaoru heard Kyoya's voice desperately calling after him. He continued to run.

It occurred to him that he had never heard Kyoya so worried. Nor had he ever seen Kyoya run after someone. But his own despair brushed the thought aside.

He was confused, angry, heart-broken, guilty all at the same time. Being confronted by Aya was something he never thought would happen. Reality slapped him in the face harder than he imagined. And all he wanted to do was escape it.

But the Hitachiin began to slow down, feeling his energy dwindle. His breath was ragged, his heart beating like crazy and the tears hadn't ceased, though he kept running anyway.

Suddenly, Kaoru's arm was grabbed and he was yanked back. He landed in Kyoya's arms. Instinctively, his arms shot out and he pushed Kyoya forcefully away.

He looked up at his lover, shocked at his own actions. Kyoya was taken aback too as he stepped away from Kaoru.

"What are you doing, Kaoru? What's the matter?" Kyoya asked with urgency.

Kaoru shook his head wildly, "I can't! Kyoya! Leave me alone! Please leave me alone!"

"Kaoru, please calm down and talk to me!"

"I can't do this anymore, Kyoya! I just can't do it! What were we even trying to do here?" Kaoru yelled with conviction, "What am I doing?! I've been dating someone who is engaged! Who's going to marry a woman! This is ridiculous!"

"Kaoru," Kyoya softly said, "I need you to calm down and tell me what happened."

The twin took a deep breath, finally looking the taller man in the eyes, "Aya knows about us."

Kyoya visibly tensed up and paled. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"This is so stupid… it's crazy," Kaoru muttered, "Why did we ever think we could do this?"

"It made sense at the time…"

"But it didn't work…" Kaoru cried, "Because I've fallen for you. I couldn't treat this like a business deal. Like some agreement… I just couldn't."

Kyoya's conflict was beginning to show. He stepped towards Kaoru to comfort him but then stepped back again, looking over his shoulder.

"Kaoru, I don't… I need to-"

A fresh pang to the chest struck Kaoru and that fiery anger rose, "Fine. Don't listen to me! Go back to Aya, go and deal with her. I know that's more important to you! Your stupid father and your stupid career and your stupid reputation are more important than me and my feelings… they always have been!"

"Kaoru…" Kyoya tried to hold his hand but Kaoru pulled himself away violently.

"No I get it now, Kyoya! I was just a bit of fun to you. I was stupid to think that I was anything else… have a great life, Kyoya-sama. I'm sure you'll be extremely happy together."

Kyoya was shocked and it quickly turned into a look of despair. But Kaoru couldn't find the will power to care at that moment. In his mind, Kyoya had hurt him. And for that split second he couldn't find the sympathy in him to give a damn.

Kaoru was grateful when Amelie appeared behind the taller man, concern masking her face.

She held her hand out and said, "Come on sweetie, let's get a taxi."

He accepted her hand and walked past Kyoya, not even looking back at him.

Amelie offered to stay with Kaoru. At first it had seemed like a good idea. It was probably not in the end. Amelie had wanted to stay up and talk about what had happened. But Kaoru didn't. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed and shut out the world.

When Amelie finally fell asleep on his bed, he moved to the sofa. He lay down, contemplating the night's events as well as the past few months. All the happy memories, all the worrying, all the heartache. But ultimately, he couldn't shake off the pure longing to be with the person he loved.

Nor could he stop himself from feeling completely terrible at the way he had handled tonight. No matter how hurt he was, he had been completely dismissive of Kyoya's potential conflict. To find out that Aya knew he was gay was a huge thing. If she told her parents, his father would find out and that could destroy Kyoya's world.

He began to cry again, which he didn't think possible. What had he done to himself? What had he done to Kyoya? Why had they done this to each other?

He heard a knock at the door and he knew who it was.

When he opened it and Kyoya stood there, looking more ragged than he had ever seen him. The top of Kyoya's shirt was undone and his hair was messy. Bags were starting to appear under his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Kaoru… so sorry… I'm sorry…"

The Ootori began to cry. He sobbed deeply and openly. Kaoru stared in shock for a moment, scared and upset at the sight of the man he always thought was so strong, looking so broken.

The only thing he could think to do was reach forward and pull Kyoya into an embrace.

"It's okay," He whispered gently, caressing the back of the black haired man's neck, "It's going to be okay."

Kyoya gripped Kaoru's shirt, his sobs unceasing. They stood there for a few minutes, holding each other, the younger comforting his lover. Kyoya's cries soon died down.

Eventually, Kaoru told Kyoya to come in and led him by the hand to sit on the sofa.

When they sat down, he took Kyoya in his arms and the older man instantly buried his face in Kaoru's neck. Kaoru pulled Kyoya's head away for a second to pull his glasses off. He could feel the wetness against his skin, Kyoya was still crying, silently. He couldn't stand seeing Kyoya like this and tears filled his eyes as well.

"I'm so sorry, Kaoru…"

"Why are you sorry?" Kaoru whispered.

"For putting you through this, for getting you involved in this mess… It broke my heart to see you so hurt earlier. But I didn't know what to do," Kyoya sighed, "I never wanted to hurt you…"

"I know… but we should have seen this coming. But it's not just your fault. We put ourselves in this situation. I'm sorry too…"

"No…" Kyoya's lips brushed over Kaoru's skin, "It is my fault. I'm the one that's stopping us from being together, from actually being together."

"We need to stop this… we need to stop seeing each other," Kaoru said, lump in his throat, "We can't do this to ourselves. We can't do this to each other."

"I don't want to stop though… I love you."

Those three little words. Kaoru had been dying to say them himself. He had been dying to hear it from Kyoya too. But it didn't have the effect on him that he thought it would. He should be happy, yet it just made him feel sad.

After all these weeks of wanting to tell Kyoya he loved him, he couldn't in that moment. He needed to protect himself.

"Then you have to decide… me or… everything else. I think I know what your decision will be. I am hurting… don't hurt me anymore by giving me false hope."

Kyoya tightened his grip on the smaller man. For a split second, Kaoru thought his lover might stay. He might decide that he needs to be with him.

But he lost all hope of that fairly quickly.

Kyoya stood up and put his glasses back on, one hand lingering on Kaoru's chest. He bent down and softly kissed the cheek of the man he loved. He paused there, before moving and pressing their lips together. The kiss was emotional; they were both quivering. They didn't want to separate; they didn't want it to end.

But it did. And Kyoya walked towards the door and left.

Kaoru curled up into a ball. He wanted to cry so much. But he was all cried out. So he just let sleep wash over him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas comes about and Kaoru needs to start making plans.

It was two weeks before Christmas and Kaoru wasn't feelings so festive. He went to work, he came home and then holed himself up in his studio. That had become his daily routine. He didn't want to see anyone; he didn't want to talk to anyone. Even going to work in the morning was hard. The only thing he could concentrate on was sewing and making clothes.

It had been two weeks since he had seen Kyoya, since his lover had left him. He had heard through the grapevine that Aya and her fiancé had cut their stay short. So there was no risk of bumping into either of them.

He felt terrible. It felt like there was a hole in his chest. Not speaking to Kyoya everyday, not seeing him, not touching and hugging him was painful. He hadn't told anyone but Amelie. She kept trying to talk to him, but he only opened up sometimes. Apart from Amelie, he kept his heartbreak to himself.

There was a part of him that felt strangely relieved though. He didn't have to have a secret relationship that was embedded in impending doom. He didn't have to worry about his lover's fiancé.

Yet he missed the man he loved. More than anything.

His sewing machine was humming away when his phone began to ring. He sighed and looked at the caller ID. It was Hikaru. He didn't want to, but he knew he should answer.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru yelled down the phone, "I haven't spoken to you for weeks! You promised you would keep calling!"

"I'm sorry Hikaru… I've been pretty busy trying to get everything done before Christmas…" Kaoru lied, "I've booked my flight home by the way…"

"Oh… well about that… Mum and Dad have decided to go to Hawaii for Christmas. So, I'm going to stay in New York."

Kaoru whined, "Hikaru! This is horrible, what am I going to do?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling, you big baby. Honey and Mori were already going to spend Christmas with Haruhi and Tamaki. So I thought you could come too!" Hikaru said enthusiastically, "It'll be like a little reunion!"

That familiar feelings of dread bubbled up inside him, "Um… is Kyoya coming?"

"I was going to ask you if you would talk to Kyoya?" Hikaru said as if it was obvious.

Kaoru cleared his throat, ready for the assault of questions, "I haven't spoken to Kyoya in weeks."

"What? What happened?"

"We broke it off. I don't even think he's in Paris anymore."

"Oh…" Hikaru's tone became soft, "I'm sorry, Kao. Are you alright?"

"I will be."

"I hate to say I told you so-"

"Hikaru, please don't. I don't need you to tell me it was going to go wrong. I knew that already."

Hikaru sighed, "I guess I just don't understand why you put yourself through all of that."

"For the chance at love," Kaoru muttered, "I might never get it again."

The older twin was quiet for a moment and Kaoru felt tears emerge, "I'm really sorry, Kao. I really am," Silence fell over the brothers before Hikaru said, "You know Tamaki will probably invite Kyoya though…"

"He can invite him. Kyoya won't come."

"How do you know?"

"He won't tempt himself. Not if he's going to marry Aya."

"So…" Hikaru said, "Does that mean you will come?"

"Yeah, definitely… if you get a refund for my ticket to Japan," Kaoru said teasingly.

"How about I just buy you one to New York?"

"Deal."

Kaoru smiled for the first time in weeks, "I'm excited to get out of Paris. And to see you of course."

"I can't wait to see you either!"

Before he knew it, Kaoru was arriving at JFK airport, a few days before Christmas. His suitcase was extremely heavy with all the presents for his friends. He struggled to drag it through the large airport.

He felt relieved when he caught sight of Hikaru, who was grinning from ear to ear.

His brother ran up to him and scooped him up in his arms. Kaoru laughed as Hikaru lifted him off the floor.

"I've missed you, Hikaru," Kaoru smiled.

Hikaru put his twin down and kissed his forehead, "I've missed you too. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just a bit tired from the flight."

"Come on, let's get a cab."

In the taxi, Hikaru babbled on excitedly about their plans for Christmas, "So Mori and Honey are staying with Tamaki and Haruhi. So we'll have my apartment to ourselves!"

"What about Sally? Not spending Christmas with your girlfriend?"

"No, she's gone back to Ohio to see her family. We're going to spend next Christmas together."

"How is she?" Kaoru asked, "I'm sorry, I feel like everything has been about me lately."

"It's fine Kaoru. And she's fine. I'm thinking about asking her to move in," Hikaru said proudly.

"That would be great! You should definitely ask her. She would say yes."

"I'm going to bring her to Paris next time. She was angry I didn't the last time."

Kaoru nudged the other teasingly, "If you come during fashion week I can get tickets to all the best shows. Sally would love it. I'm sure you would to…"

"The perks of having a gay brother," Hikaru rolled his eyes.

Hikaru and Kaoru had a quiet evening in together. Kaoru was extremely jetlagged, so they had dinner and a few drinks before he went to bed. It was like old times, just the two of them. There was no mention of Kyoya and it was glorious.

For the first time in weeks, Kaoru fell asleep in complete and utter peace.

The next day was Christmas Eve and they woke up early to go to Tamaki and Haruhi's apartment.

Haruhi answered the door, especially perky. She hugged Kaoru tightly.

"I have the whole day planned out for us! Tamaki insisted on going ice-skating at Rockefeller tonight," Haruhi said with a smile.

"Sounds good, it's great to see you Haruhi," Kaoru said, kissing her cheek.

"Kao-chan!"

He suddenly felt someone throw them-self at him. He looked down and saw Honey clinging onto him, that unique, sweet smile plastered across his face.

"Honey!" Kaoru returned the embrace.

"Kao-chan it's been so long! I can't believe you're here!" Honey said, pulling himself away.

"I know, I'm sorry… I'm glad we get to spend Christmas together."

"Mori! Come say hi to Kao-chan!"

Mori emerged from the spare bedroom with that emotionless expression of his. Perhaps it was just Kaoru hadn't seen Mori for a while, but he noticed how good his older friend looked. Mori always looked mature, especially next to Honey, but over time he had grown into his looks even more if that was possible.

"Hey Mori, how are you?" Kaoru said, smiling.

"Fine. You?"

"I'm good…"

Thankfully, Tamaki interrupted their brief exchange, bounding up to the younger twin.

Kaoru couldn't stop grinning all day. Being surrounded by his friends was such a relief. They asked briefly about Kyoya at the beginning of the day, but after that there was no mention of the Shadow King. Kyoya couldn't be further away from his thoughts if he tried.

They were cycling through Central Park. It was cold, but being wrapped up warm meant it was refreshing. The cold air brushed Kaoru's skin and hair, his lips were ice but he loved it nonetheless.

They stopped off at a café near a lake. Kaoru decided to go and take a picture of the view. He sent it to Amelie, receiving a smiley face as a reply.

He sensed someone hovering next to him and looked over to see Tamaki standing there. He leaned against the bars and admired the view, his lips slightly upturned.

"I love the park. It's like the calm before the storm in New York. As soon as you leave, it's back to business. It's always a crazy city."

"I thought you would like the crazy," Kaoru smirked.

Tamaki chuckled, "Even I need a break every once in a while."

"I would like to work here one day. Maybe I could ask for a transfer from Vogue one day…"

"It would be great to have you here, Kaoru."

Kaoru looked up at the blonde man with a slight frown, "New York has strangely mellowed you out, Tamaki. You're not as crazy as you were when I first met you."

"That's just age I think," Tamaki laughed, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"What happened between you and Kyoya?"

"What?" Kaoru blinked in shock.

"Don't worry, Kyoya didn't tell me anything. But when we visited… I could tell something was happening between the two of you. And I found it strange that he left Paris early. It's not like him to leave a business opportunity behind."

Kaoru smiled sadly, "You really are much cleverer than you left on. He isn't coming… is he?"

"I invited him after you agreed to come, but he said no."

"We started seeing each other," The redhead shrugged, "And it ended. There's nothing much else to it than that."

"Kaoru…" Tamaki placed a hand on Kaoru's arm, "I'm sure it was a lot more than that."

The Hitachiin felt that familiar rise of sadness and he blinked continuously to stop any tears, "I fell in love with him. And he fell in love with me. But… Kyoya is Kyoya. And his reputation, his job and his father meant more to him than I did. So it ended."

The blonde squeezed Kaoru's arm, "I'm sorry, Kaoru. You know Kyoya and his determination to prove himself to his father. I'm surprised things ended when he finally got you though…"

"What do you mean… finally got me?"

"Kaoru," Tamaki said, "Kyoya has been in love with you since high school."

"What?" Kaoru whispered in shock, "No he hasn't."

"Yes he has… he told me years ago that he was in love with you."

"When?!"

"Do you remember when we went to the lake after mine and Kyoya's graduation?" Tamaki asked.

"Yes, of course," Kaoru nodded frantically.

"Do you remember when you hit your head on a rock while you were swimming? Kyoya pulled you out of the water and bandaged you up."

"Well yeah… but that was because his family have a medical group. He knew what to do," The younger man tried to explain.

"No," Tamaki said with a breathy laugh, "I asked him about it later that night. And he admitted to me that he realised in that moment that he was in love with you," A lump formed at the back of Kaoru's throat, "He said he became so desperate and worried about you that he realised that he cared about you as more than a friend. He wasn't just attracted to you, he loved you."

There was a moment of silence. Kaoru didn't know what to say or what to think. It couldn't be true, Kyoya couldn't have loved him for all that time… could he?

"If he loved you then, now he's been with you… he's probably hurting much more than you think."

He couldn't resist the tears. He began crying helplessly, more so than he had in weeks.

Tamaki immediately dragged the smaller man into a hug. He shushed and comforted Kaoru the best he could.

"Why does he have to be so stubborn…" Kaoru mumbled into Tamaki's shoulder, "He's always been so damn stubborn…"

"He's scared," Hikaru says quietly, "He's always been scared, he would just never admit it. He's scared of what he would do without his family's name and their influence. He's scared of what his father would say if he found out he was gay."

Kaoru nods against his friend's shoulder, "I just wish I was enough for that fear to go."

With a gentle pull, Tamaki moved Kaoru so he was holding the twin by the shoulders, "You are enough, Kaoru. He's just not strong enough yet, that's it."

"I don't want to feel like this forever. I don't want to wait for him forever."

Tamaki smiled softly, "You won't."

Kaoru looked over to the café and realised that the rest of his friends and brother were all staring at him. He immediately blushed and wiped his face, trying to hide his tears.

Haruhi approached him and reached over to hold his hand, "Are you okay, Kaoru?"

"I'm fine," Kaoru said with a sniff, "Don't worry about me. Just needed a cry."

Hikaru walked forward and entwined his fingers with his brother's free hand. Kaoru lifted his head up and saw Honey in Mori's arms both of whom were watching him warmly.

"Thanks everyone."

He squeezed Hikaru and Haruhi's hands, happy to be with his friends.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang go ice-skating.

The Rockefeller Centre looked magical that evening. It embodied everything Christmas was supposed to be. The lights, the ice-rink, the cloudless and starry night. Kaoru couldn't think of anywhere more perfect to go on Christmas Eve.

Kaoru watched Honey. He didn't think it was possible to bounce around on ice skates, yet somehow, he still managed. Mori followed closely behind, his arms popping out every once in a while when it looked like the smaller man was going to fall. Someone whizzed past him and he realised it was Tamaki. Hikaru followed, nearly knocking Kaoru over, as he raced Tamaki.

He felt Haruhi wobble next to him, so he held her arm tighter, helping her to stay balanced.

"I don't know why I let Tamaki persuade me to do this, I'm terrible at ice-skating," Haruhi complained.

"You're the least graceful person I know," Kaoru grinned.

Haruhi hit him lightly with her free hand, "Don't remind me… you know, I feel kind of privileged to have seen you twice in a few months. You've been rather illusive since we left Ouran."

"I guess I wanted to distance myself. It was stupid, I know."

"I get it. You had this whole new life, a new job, new friends. A chance to reinvent yourself. And you took it. I just want you to know that you never lost us because of it. We didn't lose you either, we just had to wait for you to come back."

Kaoru smiled, "I love you too, Haruhi."

She chuckled in response, before they were interrupted by Tamaki and Hikaru who were arguing rather loudly.

"I won fair and square!" Tamaki exclaimed.

"You tripped me asshole!" Hikaru said, shoving Tamaki with his shoulder.

"It wasn't on purpose! Anyway, there was nothing in the rules about that!"

"We didn't make up any rules!" Hikaru growled.

"Exactly!"

Hikaru looked as if he was going to lunge for the former Host Club President, so Kaoru grabbed his brother's arm, "Come on, I'll race you this time. I promise, no tripping," He looked at Tamaki, "You take over as Haruhi's carer."

Haruhi looked unamused, "Shut up, Kaoru."

The twins took off in a head to head race. Kaoru managed to overtake Hikaru, going as fast as he could and weaving in and out of people. He laughed as he skated, exhilarated by the competition.

He started to go too fast and lost balance. Thankfully, he had enough control to direct himself towards the side of the rink. He collided with the wall, nearly toppling over the side but someone on the other side caught him.

"I'm sorry!" Kaoru laughed breathlessly, "I got a bit carried away!"

"You're lucky it was me here, someone else may have let you fly out of the rink."

Kaoru's head shot up in shock, recognising the voice of the man who caught him.

Kyoya stood there, smiling down at him and holding Kaoru in place.

The redhead's breath was caught in his throat. A million questions ran through Kaoru's head. What was Kyoya doing here? How did he know they would be here? Most importantly, why did he come?! Why was he here?!

He didn't know what to say, he just continued to stare at his ex-lover.

He felt someone collide with his back and he was almost pushed into Kyoya, but he stopped himself with the strength of his arms.

"Ha! I beat you-" Hikaru began to brag.

Kaoru became stiff, knowing Hikaru had caught sight of Kyoya.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Hikaru hissed over Kaoru's shoulder.

"I'm here to see-"

"Kyo-chan!"

The remaining Host Club members descended upon them. Kaoru breathed a sigh of relief. His friends began to occupy Kyoya's attention, hugging and greeting him.

Nerves and anxiety took over Kaoru's body. He just stood there and watched. Thankfully, Hikaru pried his balled fist open and wrapped his fingers around Kaoru's. It was the relief he needed in that tense, confusing moment.

Tamaki was draped over his best friend, grinning, "Kyoya! What are you doing here?!"

"I decided to come," Kyoya said stoically, "Sorry I'm late."

"Well we're glad to see you. How long will you be staying for?" Haruhi asked.

"I don't know. I haven't booked a flight to leave yet. It depends on the circumstances."

Kyoya looked at Kaoru for a split second. The Hitachiin's heart began to race and he frantically tried to understand what was going on. He felt a headache come on.

"But where will you stay?" Haruhi said with a frown, "We don't have anymore room at our apartment."

"I can stay on the couch," Kyoya offered.

"Why would you stay on the couch when you could stay at Hikaru's?" Honey said innocently.

Kyoya caught Kaoru's eye again and he recognised a panic which would only be obvious to Kaoru himself. He couldn't work out if Kyoya's panic was because he didn't want to stay with Kaoru, or he thought Kaoru wouldn't want to stay with him.

Before Kaoru could say anything, Hikaru blurted out, "I don't want him to stay at mine!" They all looked at Hikaru, seeming surprised at his outburst. He rolled his eyes and corrected himself, "I mean, I'm just enjoying being alone with Kaoru."

"It's fine," Kaoru said with a cracking voice, "Hikaru, we can work it out."

Hikaru watched him and Kaoru nodded at his brother to reassure him. He felt sets of eyes baring into him, probably Tamaki and Kyoya trying to understand what Kaoru was thinking.

The air became uncomfortable. It was obvious to everyone that something more was going on. Kaoru wanted to escape from this situation as quickly as possible.

"Why don't we switch on Boxing Day," Mori suggested bluntly.

"Yes! It'll be like a sleepover!" Honey cried out excitedly, "That's a great idea Mori!"

The corner of Mori's lips upturned ever so slightly when he glanced at Kaoru. He knew, Kaoru thought.

"Why don't you go and get skates Kyoya?" Haruhi said, "We still have another hour on the rink."

Kyoya went off to get his skates and Honey started raving about how amazing it was that the Shadow King was here. Kaoru felt utterly overwhelmed and he skated off as quickly as possible.

When he jumped out the ice rink, the twin headed the opposite directing to the cloakroom to the open-air bar.

As he waited to be served, he contemplated Kyoya's abrupt arrival. He was bewildered by the Ootori's arrival in New York. He was so sure that he wouldn't come. Why would he come in the first place though? Why would he confuse Kaoru like this? He couldn't decide whether to be angry for Kyoya for ruining is sanctuary or happy to see the other man. Of course he wanted to see Kyoya. He loved him. He wouldn't stop loving him.

But it was too hard.

Kaoru had hardly noticed that Mori followed him off the ice. The tall man stood behind him and he only noticed when a large hand was softly placed on his shoulder.

"Do you want a drink?" Mori asked.

"Yes, please."

"A glass?"

"Hm…"

"I'll get a bottle," Mori pulled out his wallet.

They drank half the bottle with mumbled conversation. Kaoru asked Mori about his job and his life in Japan. He received short answers, but at least it was an answer, which was a big thing when it came to Mori.

They got through half a bottle very swiftly and Kaoru began to relax. He stretched out his sore legs and felt comfortable in Mori's quiet company. It was an abrupt change to twenty minutes ago when he first saw Kyoya.

The wine went straight to his head but he didn't stop drinking. He needed to feel tipsy like this so poured himself another glass.

"Are you okay, Kaoru?" Mori's gaze was unwavering as he stared right at Kaoru.

"I'm fine… I mean I will be fine…"

"I can swap with Kyoya if it makes you more comfortable," His hand found itself on Kaoru's shoulder again, "He can stay with Honey, I'll stay at Hikaru's with the both of you."

A single, silent tear trickled down Kaoru's face. He felt the emotion begin to bubble up within his stomach. Mori's hand found his and he squeezed.

"If you are not comfortable…"

"And say what?" Kaoru cried, "Kyoya, go home, I don't want you here?! Go back to your fiance?! He's part of our group! Part of the Host Club! And I just… can't do that… I can't…" He puts his face in his right hand and holds Mori's hand tightly with the other, "Why have I done this to myself?! Why did I have to fall for Kyoya bloody Ootori? Of all the… fucking people. Mr family and Mr reputation, pretend to be straight even though it means I'll live a lie! Why him?"

"You should be with someone who will love you back."

"But that's the thing, he did love me back," Kaoru mumbled, "I hate him for loving me and still leaving me."

"It's not the end for you, Kaoru. You're an attractive, interesting man. You'll find love again."

Mori's expression was unusually warm. The elder's eyes flickered down to Kaoru's lips and his suspicions rose.

"Mori… what is this about?"

"I think you're an attractive, interesting man," Mori said matter-of-factly.

Kaoru frowned, perplexed with this revelation, "You're gay?"

"I love women and I love men," Mori shrugged.

"You're not trying to say that you love me…" Kaoru whispered, wide eyed.

"No, I'm saying I think I could."

The redhead realised he had been slowly leaning into Mori. Their faces were only inches apart.

He didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the lingering jet lag, or a combination of the both, but Kaoru leaned in and crashed his lips to Mori's.

Mori kissed back and snaked a hand around Kaoru's head. All Kaoru could was think was this is different.

They kissed slowly for about a minute, before Kyoya popped into Kaoru's mind. A rush of guilt hit him. Thoughts assaulted him, questioning what the hell was he doing. This is wrong, so wrong.

He pushed Mori away and shook his head wildly, "I'm sorry Mori, I can't do this, I can't-"

While shaking his head, he caught a glance of someone standing there. It was Kyoya.

Kyoya was completely motionless. His expression turned from confused, to sad, to annoyed then back to sad. Mori followed Kaoru's eye line and immediately pulled away, casting his eyes down.

His ex-lover began to blink a lot and his discomfort was evident. Kaoru thought he was going to burst into tears again, he hated seeing Kyoya upset.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave."

Kyoya hurried away, not looking back.

Kaoru stood up sharply and began mumbling, "Shit, shit, shit…"

He watched Kyoya walking away. His instinct was to run after him. To run after Kyoya and apologize and beg him to forgive him. But he stopped himself. First of all, he needed to talk to Mori. Second of all, he was single. Kyoya broke up with him. Kyoya had a fiancé. He was free to do what he wanted.

Kaoru turned back around and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it was my fault," Mori countered, "You were vulnerable."

"No it's okay… I guess I just didn't know you felt that way."

"I always thought you were attractive. But you're in love with Kyoya. You shouldn't just give up on that. Go find him, we'll talk tomorrow."

Kaoru forced a smile, "Thank you, Mori."

While running back to the rink, Kaoru stumbled a few times. On the ice, he was unsteady, the wine not helping his balance.

He found Kyoya fairly easily. He was talking to Tamaki and he looked serious, but no longer upset.

Kaoru reached forward and grasped onto Kyoya's arm, desperately trying to catch his gaze.

"I need to talk to you. Please," Kaoru asked breathlessly.

Kyoya avoided Kaoru's eyes and looked away, "No, there's nothing to say."

He glided away. Kaoru watched the man he loved leave for the second time. His heart broke all over again.

"What on earth happened?! He's so solemn! Even for Kyoya!" Tamaki nearly yelled.

"I don't know," Kaoru whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru decides to talk to Kyoya.

That evening, the twins returned to the flat with Kyoya. The taxi ride was awkward. It wasn't just awkward, it was damn tense. They remained silent the entire time. Kyoya sat at the front, staring at the bright lights of New York flash by. Hikaru was texting his girlfriend the whole journey, probably ranting about Kyoya's sudden appearance. And Kaoru looked between the two, repressing any thoughts that were about to burst out of his head. He didn't speak and just sat there tensely.

When they arrived, Hikaru threw the spare room's door open and mumbled that Kyoya could stay in there. He then said that he and Kaoru were going to watch a movie in their room and to not disturb them.

Kyoya went off wordlessly to his room.

In an attempt to cheer Kaoru up, Hikaru put on a Christmas movie. He didn't mention Kaoru's ex-lover in the next room, he just cuddled into his brother like they used to. The younger's discomfort wavered ever so slightly, but it returned when he heard Kyoya moving around in the other room.

Hikaru fell asleep half-way through the film and Kaoru's thoughts became to wander again. He contemplated his day. It had started off so fun and exciting. He had a fantastic time with his friends. And then it just became horrible. It was stressful, painful and awfully confusing.

He wanted nothing more than to go into the next room and ask Kyoya what he was doing here. Why had he come when he knew Kaoru would be here? And he couldn't stop thinking about the kiss with Mori. He knew if he had seen Kyoya with someone else, it would have killed him.

He didn't know why he had chosen to do it there and then, when he knew Kyoya was there. Maybe it was a way to prove to himself that he could move on and be with someone else. Maybe he was trying to prove that to Kyoya as well. He reasoned with himself. Kyoya had broke things off. He was single and free to kiss anyone he wanted.

But he had possibly hurt Kyoya. And no matter how much his former lover hurt him, there was nothing worse than seeing the person you love in pain.

Kaoru decided that he had to talk to Kyoya. So he pushed himself out of bed. He turned off the television. He threw on one of Hikaru's over-sized football shirt and shut off the lights before leaving Hikaru sleeping.

He knocked lightly on Kyoya's door and the Ootori said come in. Kaoru opened the door and stood there sheepishly. Kyoya sat on the bed, shirtless. He didn't have his glasses on and Kaoru felt an ache in his chest.

"Can we talk?" Kaoru asked tentatively.

"Yeah," Kyoya nodded, "Let's talk."

Kaoru quietly closed the door and sat down on the bed next to Kyoya. They sat a foot apart, awkwardly seeking the confidence to speak first.

"I'm sorry…" Kaoru whispered.

"No," Kyoya said within an instance, "You shouldn't be sorry. You're single, you can date whoever you want."

"I'm not dating Mori!" The redhead exclaimed, "It was just a kiss. It was in the moment… I was feeling vulnerable and I needed someone."

Kyoya lowered his head, "I should have told you I was coming. Given you some warning."

"Yes, yes you should have! Don't get me wrong, I've missed you and I'm happy to see you… But it caught me off guard. I was in my own little world here and seeing you just broke that for a moment… and I ended up kissing bloody Mori."

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You wanted to surprise me?! Surprise me how?!" Kaoru burst with anger, "To just reaffirm our new found friendship! God Kyoya-"

"No Kaoru," Kyoya chuckled, "It wasn't reaffirm our friendship. I wanted to tell you I broke up with Aya."

"What?" Kaoru breathed out in shock.

Kyoya reached out and grasped Kaoru's hands, "I couldn't marry her. Not after experiencing what it was like when I was in love and happy. I couldn't marry her after being with you."

Kaoru grinned but quickly stopped himself and closed his eyes, "Wow… okay. How did she take it?"

"Well she certainly wasn't surprised. She was more concerned with her public image. So I put her in contact with a Hollywood publicist. She'll be able to twist a broken engagement in Aya's favour."

"What about your father? The Ootori Group?"

"I spent two weeks in Japan. I told my father and my family about my sexuality…" Kyoya squeezed Kaoru's hand.

Kaoru brushed his thumb gently over Kyoya's skin, "How did they react?"

"Just as expected," Kyoya sighed, "My sister and mother were very understanding. In fact they seemed happy that I admitted it. My brothers were critical. My father even more so."

"Did he disown you?"

"Let's say I won't be head of the Ootori group anytime soon," Kyoya smiled sadly.

"Kyoya…"

"Yes, he disowned me. My sister refused to stop contact with me though. I think my mother is close to following. My brothers were obedient to my father of course."

"I'm sorry," Kaoru muttered, "I don't know how a father could do that to his son."

Kyoya smiled and pulled Kaoru into his arms from behind. The smaller man's back rested against Kyoya and the older man he nuzzled his nose into Kaoru's temple.

"It was worth it," Kyoya murmured.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I have savings. And I have other business prospects ahead."

Kaoru laughed lightly, "Of course you do."

"It'll be okay."

They fell into silence for about a minute. Kaoru couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't believe Kyoya had actually finished with Aya. It was completely surreal. And not just that… he finished with her to be with him.

They could have a future. An actual future. No secrecy, no complications. All the heartache that Kaoru had felt over the last few weeks completely dissolved. All he felt now was love.

But there was still a problem. Kyoya didn't live in Paris. He didn't even live in France. How could they make it work when they lived thousands of miles away from each other? Did Kyoya even want to be with him? He was finally out of the closet. What if he wanted to experiment?

But Kyoya loved him. If Tamaki was telling the truth, Kyoya had loved him since high school. And he would be starting a new life. Why not start it in Paris? With Kaoru?

Before he could even ask, Kyoya started speaking, "You know, some of my business prospects are in Europe."

Kaoru smiled in response to Kyoya's suggestive tone, any doubts flying out of the window, "Really?"

"Yes and I've always loved Paris…"

"Hm?"

"I think it would be an excellent location-"

"Just come and live in Paris, Kyoya."

"I was going to suggest we live together in Paris," Kyoya said in an awfully casual manner.

"What?" Kaoru lifted his head from Kyoya's chest, looking into his lover's eyes.

"Move in with me. Or I'll move in with you. I don't care."

Kaoru's lips twitched, "I love my apartment."

"Then we'll live there."

The twin ran his fingers over Kyoya's clothed leg, "That's a big commitment Kyoya… I mean we would be together all the time…"

"We've known each other for years. We've been through a lot. I think we can make it work."

Kaoru closed his eyes, grinning from ear to ear, "You can keep that fancy apartment if you want."

Kyoya's hands crept up the redhead's thighs and under his shirt, "I don't want the fancy apartment. I just want you."

Kaoru's breath hitched, instantly feeling the heat rise inside him. It felt like it had been forever since he had been with Kyoya. The black haired man began to pepper kisses over Kaoru's neck. Kaoru instinctively offered his neck to the man he loved.

But he realised where he was and he pulled his neck away, "We can't. If Hikaru hears us he'll most likely kill you."

Kyoya peeled away from him and leaned back, "You're right. I'm extremely jetlagged too."

"I just want to lie with you."

Kaoru moved to rest half on top of Kyoya. Their faces were close, lips a breath apart. Kyoya smiled up at him, lifting his hand to finger Kaoru's hair. Kaoru loved it when Kyoya played with his hair. It was comforting, personal and sensual. He had missed it.

Kyoya tilted his head and kissed the other man. It was the first time they had kissed in weeks and it was glorious. It was familiar, fulfilling and heart-warming.

They separated and Kyoya pecked him softly again, "I love you. More than anything in this world."

Kaoru teared up immediately. The drops fell from his eyes onto Kyoya's cheeks.

The Ootori wiped the younger's tears away with a gentle smile, "Don't cry anymore."

"I didn't think I could anymore. I should be all cried out by now."

"I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I hate to see you cry. I hated seeing you hurt that night. And I hated even more that I was the one to do that you."

Kaoru smirked through the tears, "Buy me that Burberry coat I like and I'll be fine."

Kyoya laughed, "You can get it free from work."

"It feels better when someone buys it for you."

"We'll go to 5th Avenue on Boxing Day."

"Oh yes, I love 5th Avenue. Can we go to Tiffany's too?"

Kyoya raised his eyebrows, "Maybe we will save that for a few years."

"Then you can buy me a big fat diamond ring."

"Anything you want."

They started to settle down and get ready to sleep. Kyoya turned the lights off and they cuddled up under the covers. Kaoru snuggled up to the taller man's side and Kyoya held him close in his arms.

Before they fell asleep, Kaoru whispered, "You know I love you too. And I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself. Honestly, I never thought you were going to do it… and now you can be yourself and be open. And I love you even more for it. I didn't think I could love you anymore than I do."

Through the darkness, Kaoru felt Kyoya stroke his face, leaning into the caress, "I've never been happier."

Kaoru and Kyoya fell asleep peacefully, curled up and together.

Before he knew it, Kaoru was waking up in the morning, stretching his body out. It felt odd waking up next to Kyoya. He was so convinced that this would never happen again. It was mostly a relief. He was happy that the comfort and confidence he found in Kyoya was not going to be lost. But he was also excited to see how this changed Kyoya. He had never taken a risk like this before, he had been so stagnant for a long time. He looked forward to seeing Kyoya grow.

It was amazing and exciting to be here with Kyoya on Christmas Day. It felt like a fresh start, a new chapter. Kaoru couldn't wait for their future.

He leaned over and kissed Kyoya's warmly. Kyoya's eyes started to open and a smile stretched across his face.

"Happy Christmas," Kyoya murmured.

Feeling mischievous, Kaoru shifted over onto Kyoya's lap. He wiggled on the taller man's hips, relishing the gasp earned by the usually stoic Ootori.

"It is a happy Christmas," Kaoru smirked, touching the other's chest slowly.

Kyoya groaned and reached up to pull Kaoru down. He smashed their lips together heatedly.

Only a moment later, the door swung open and made the couple jump. Kaoru twisted his head around to see Hikaru standing there, stern-faced.

"Isn't this the best present I ever received," Hikaru said, sarcasm laced in his voice.

The younger twin almost jumped off Kyoya's lap, blushing deeply. He clenched his fist and said, "Hikaru, this isn't what it seems!"

"I should have known you would worm your way back in with my brother!" Hikaru yelled, completely ignoring Kaoru, "You're a dirty bastard! You have a damn fiancé!"

"No I don't, Hikaru," Kyoya said bluntly, "I've broken my engagement off."

Hikaru's face completely dropped and he visibly calmed down, "Oh."

"I love Kaoru. More than anything and I promise I will never hurt him again."

The older twin's expression softened, "You know I'll kill you if you do."

"I know," Kyoya laughed.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, "You know this is so unnecessary. I don't need you to defend me."

"I'll always be your defensive big brother, I've told you that many times. Come on, we need to go. Haruhi called me and said Honey is driving her mad because he's desperate t o open presents."

They all got ready to go, dressing smartly but comfortably. Kaoru was packing his presents, when he realised that he didn't have a present for one person.

"Kyoya," He looked over with despair to the man on the couch, "I haven't got you a present."

"Well you didn't know he was coming," Hikaru's voice shouted from his room, "Nobody friggin' knew he was coming."

Kyoya stood up and walked over to press a kiss to the corner of Kaoru's mouth, "I don't need any other present."

The smaller slung his arms around Kyoya's neck and rolled onto his toes to kiss him.

"Man, you guys are going to be unbearable," Hikaru said, strolling past them to the door, "Let's go."

They walked to Haruhi and Tamaki's apartment, enjoying the brisk Winter air. On arrival, they exchanged greetings with their friends. Honey and Tamaki were particularly excited of course. Kaoru felt slightly awkward around Mori, but the man smiled warmly at him and Kyoya when they entered side by side. He knew that Mori was fine with them.

They were dragged to sit in the sitting room around the Christmas tree the Host Club began to open presents.

Kaoru bought clothes for his friends. Stylish jackets and winter wear. Haruhi was especially happy with her new scarf. She sat with it on her lap, stroking the cashmere.

Hikaru pulled out a large present from under the Christmas tree. With a grin, he pushed it over to Kaoru. Kaoru smiled but looked confused. He ripped the wrapping paper off and found a new sewing machine.

"Your one is nearly falling apart," Hikaru said.

"But how am I going to get this home?"

"Gee Kaoru, talk about ungrateful. And I'm going to send it to yours."

Kaoru crossed the circle and hugged his brother tight, "Thank you, Hikaru, I love you."

"Love you too."

There was one more present under the tree and it was for Kaoru. It was a large, rectangle box covered in red paper. There was only one person it could be from. He looked to Kyoya.

It was Tamaki that chose to explain though, "When we got back last night, we found a present at the door."

"I dropped it off before coming to the ice rink," Kyoya continued, "I wanted you to get it, no matter the circumstance."

Kaoru grinned, appreciating Kyoya's sincerity. After opening the present, he lifted the lid off the box. There was the fantastic, tartan Burberry coat that Kaoru wanted.

He tilted his head at his lover, "You didn't."

"I'll still take you to 5th Avenue tomorrow," Kyoya smirked.

Kaoru pulled Kyoya into a hug, whispering thank you into his ear. The room was entirely quiet. All eyes were on the younger Hitachiin and the Ootori.

Haruhi broke the silence, "Okay, what is going on between the two of you? I can't keep up. And I'm not spending the whole day guessing."

"I broke up with Aya to be with Kaoru," Kyoya said straight away.

From the other sofa, Tamaki dove forward and embraced Kyoya dramatically, "Kyoya! I'm so proud of you! You're finally following your heart!" The blonde man shook Kyoya, "You're finally embracing your sexuality!"

Kyoya rolled his eyes, "Okay, Tamaki. Please calm down."

Mori suddenly looked directly at Kaoru and said, "I'm happy for you both," and Kaoru knew he meant it.

"Wait!" Haruhi said wide eyed, "When did this happen?"

"A few months ago," Kaoru explained, "But we broke it off… which is why I was so weird yesterday when I saw Kyoya. But we worked it out last night."

"This is amazing!" Honey bounced in his seat, "But if Kyoya is the mommy and Kaoru is his kid…?"

"Let's not go there, Honey," Kyoya shook his head.

"Let's just hope that Kyoya doesn't lose his balls," Hikaru raised his eyebrows at the older man.

"I think Kaoru can look after himself, Hikaru," Haruhi muttered.

"Thank you Haruhi!" Kaoru stuck his tongue out at his brother.

Hikaru returned the gesture but Haruhi kept talking, "I have to say, this is really great. You two really suit each other."

Kyoya slid an arm around the redhead's waist, "Thank you. We think so too."

Their eyes met and Kyoya leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Kaoru's forehead.

Tamaki began squealing again and threw himself over the couple again. They pushed him off forcefully.

The Host Club had a fantastic Christmas together. Tamaki nearly burnt the traditional turkey that they had decided to get. But Haruhi managed to salvage it. In the evening they played board games and watched movies in front of the television. Kaoru fell asleep with his head in Kyoya's lap for the first film.

For the second one, the Host Club ended up talking through the whole thing. They reminisced instead. They talked about how they all met, when Haruhi joined the club and the memories of those years together. It was nice. It was comfortable.

Kaoru felt so content.

It was nearly ten o'clock and they started to get ready to go. Honey's was already curled up on the sofa asleep, cuddling his Usa-chan. Mori had also fallen asleep, still upright and as stoic as ever, though one of his large hands rested on Honey's head.

The rest of them stood by the door, as Kaoru and Kyoya put their coats on.

Hikaru put a hand on his brother's shoulder and said, "I think I'm going to stay here. I don't really feel like doing the walk home. Too much turkey. And wine."

"What?" Kaoru asked quietly.

Hikaru leaned into the younger's ear, "I thought you two could do with some time together. And I don't want to hear your time together to be honest…"

"Thank you. You're the best brother I have."

"I'll always be here to help you get laid."

Kaoru laughed, "Good to know."

They all said their goodbyes. Kaoru and Kyoya walked back hand in hand and chatted about their day. But really, all they were thinking about was getting back.

When they finally got back, Kyoya turned to Kaoru and asked him if he wanted a glass of wine.

"No… I've had too much already… plus it's not wine I want right now."

Kyoya smirked and dragged Kaoru forward by his collar. He smashed their lips together and Kaoru immediately reached out to grip his shirt.

The black haired man lifted Kaoru up in his arms. Kaoru smiled against Kyoya's lips and he circled his arms around the elder's neck for support.

The Ootori carried him off into the guest bedroom. He laid Kaoru down, never separating their lips. They kissed with a fire and passion they hadn't before, desperate for each other. It felt like it had been years since they had been together.

Their hands drifted over clothes and bare skin alike. It was hot and they were instantly pushing their bodies against each other for friction.

Kyoya attached his lips to Kaoru's neck, unbuttoning his lover's shirt, "I've missed you- so damn much…" he muttered against the other's skin.

Kaoru moaned, arching up, "Me too- oh fuck, me too…"

"I love it when you swear in bed."

"Really? I didn't think you would like that sort of thing."

"No… I find it sexy."

Kaoru smirked as Kyoya's kisses started to trail his chest, "Well fuck me then mommy…"

Kyoya lifted his head with an amused look on his face, "Don't ruin it,"

The Hitachiin giggled and took his lovers glasses off. Kyoya continued his ministrations on Kaoru's body.

Once he removed Kaoru's trousers and underwear, he pulled away to scan the redhead's body over.

"You're so beautiful," Kyoya said with a soft smile.

"Don't…"

"You are. I will never see anything or anyone so beautiful."

Kaoru blushed and turned his head. Kyoya leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

The Ootori then descended upon Kaoru's groin. He took Kaoru in his mouth and the younger man immediately groaned loudly.

Kyoya worshipped him. He kissed and sucked every inch of Kaoru. The recipient was a mess by the end. Kaoru had to pull Kyoya off before he came too quickly.

He was desperate to get Kyoya's clothes off, nearly ripping Kyoya's shirt. But when they were finally naked they took a moment and looked into each other's eyes. Kyoya ran a finger over Kaoru's lips, before kissing him again gently.

He prepared Kaoru softly and teasingly. Kaoru let him, savoring his lover's touch.

"Okay Kyoya… I need you… please…"

He climbed into Kyoya's lap and the black haired man positioned himself. They engaged in a passionate kiss and Kyoya pushed in.

They moved together in unison. They grabbed and held each other anywhere they could. Kyoya began to speed up and kissed Kaoru's neck, which seemed to be his favourite place. It was Kaoru's favourite place to be kissed as well.

The pleasure was almost overwhelming. Kaoru wanted it to last longer but he couldn't. He was so overcome with love and passion and just Kyoya.

He gripped the back of Kyoya's head as he released against their stomachs. Not long after, Kyoya came with one last thrust, his arms entwined around the smaller's waist tightly.

They panted, trying to regain their breath. Kyoya kissed his love's temple, running his nose along Kaoru's skin.

He lay them down but they remained tangled together. Kaoru played with black hair, closing his eyes and enjoying being back with Kyoya.

"Are you my… boyfriend now?" Kaoru whispered, smiling.

Kyoya chuckled, "I would think so."

"Hm… Kyoya Ootori is my boyfriend. Wow, if I said that to myself six months ago I would have been really confused…" Kyoya didn't say anything and the Hitachiin decided to question him, "Tamaki told me something interesting yesterday…"

"Did he?"

Kaoru hesitated for a split second, "Tamaki… said you were in love with me in high school."

"I was," Kyoya said in that blunt way of his, "Tamaki told you about when we went to the lake."

"Yes…"

"When you hit your head."

"Yeah…"

"And I realised I was in love with you," Kaoru didn't know what to say this time so he just watched his new boyfriend, "It was a hard day for me. I didn't understand why I was so panicked. I had never felt like that towards anyone before. It was incredibly confusing. I knew I had feelings for you before that. I cared about you, I was attracted to you. But I was so worried and it… scared me. It scared me that I was in love with you. It was… terrifying…"

Kaoru was still speechless. So he did the only thing he could think of and stretch up to kiss Kyoya.

"I love you…" Kyoya muttered.

"I love you too…" Kaoru found his voice, "There's something else… do you remember my leaving party?"

"Of course."

"You kissed me… well on the forehead, but… I just wanted to tell you that I didn't stop thinking about that for a while. I was always attracted to you… I mean you were so strong and cool and… handsome. For my first few weeks here, I just wish I had got to know you better. I wish I had the chance to see where it could of gone… well, back then it was if it went anywhere."

"Well…" Kyoya ran his fingers through Kaoru's hair, "It has all worked out now though. And I know we'll be able make up for lost time."

"We could start now…" Kaoru said with a cheeky grin.

"Already? Aren't you tired?"

"No, I'm just younger than you."

"Hardly."

"Then prove it, Grandpa," Kaoru teased.

Kyoya clenched his jaw before diving into another kiss. They laughed against each other's lips and relished each other for the second time that Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm back everyone! It has been a long long time! But I finally have some time to write so hopefully I can get this one out quickly!
> 
> I recently rewatched Ouran High School Host Club which inspired me to write this story. This is a bit of a slow/introductory chapter, I promise it will pick up next chapter!
> 
> Just a few things, I don't know anything about Japanese name and their construction, so I just found this name and went with it. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and please leave a review!


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